


Dearest

by RMmaniacs



Series: Our World [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Bromance, Bromance to Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4052704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RMmaniacs/pseuds/RMmaniacs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marcelo was injured and was ruled out of Copa America and he missed James.</p>
<p>Toni was given a rest by Lowe so he had a lot of time to think about his first season in Real Madrid, particularly his relationship with one of his teammates.</p>
<p>NOTE: ALTERNATIVE ENDINGS (CHAPETR 11 / CHAPTER 12)</p>
<p>Chapter index:<br/>Chapter 1: Marcelo/James<br/>Chaprer 2-9 Sergio/Toni<br/>Chapter 10: Marcelo/James<br/>Chapter 11: Sergio/Toni<br/>OR<br/>Chapter 12: Sergio/Toni</p>
<p>[[[Story mainly with reference to the current events, major pairings are Sergio/Toni (Romance), Marcelo/James (Bromance ridiculously close to romance). Presumably along the timeline: Marcelo injured - International Friendlies - EURO qualifiers - COPA America.]]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. James

“Tive que dar adeus ao sonho de defender a Selecao Brasileira em mais umaa competicao.  
Estou com uma lesao na coluna e infelizmente nao terei tempo para me recuperar ate a apresentacao de Selecao.  
Nao estarei fisicamente com meus companheiros, mas minha torcida para o Brasil na Copa America do Chile Sera Maior ainda!!!”

 

Marcelo was lying against the pillows in his bed at his home in Madrid. He locked the screen of his phone and put it aside after he posted the message on Facebook and Instagram. He let out a deep sigh and looked out from the window. The sky was bright and it would have been a perfect day for playing football. Instead he was stuck in his bed being unable to move his lower part of his body without causing intense pain on his back. 

Eight months ago he was left out of the National team because Dunga thought that he went forward too much leaving to much space at the back and that his playing style didn’t serve Brazil well. In the last international break he was finally called up to play in two friendlies, well, to be exact, it was one friendly and 5 minutes. He did not get to wear his number 6 jersey but it was okay, at least he got to play for his country again, nothing made him more proud than wearing the yellow and green jersey and sweating for the country he loved dearly. However, he had never stopped worrying if he would be called up again, knowing that he was not one of the favourite of the coach. So he trained hard everyday and gave his all in every game, hoping that he could prove to the world he was worthy of a place in the National team. And he did, even though Real Madrid did not win anything in 2015, he was called up for the Copa America in June, and it was not just some insignificant friendlies but the Copa America. He remembered calling James as soon as he finished the call with the officials of the National team, telling him that they were going to playing in the same tournament as rivals again. It reminded them of their first encounter in the World Cup last year, the sweet and yet sorrow memories for both of them.

He was supposed to meet up with the National team in the beginning of the coming week and he didn’t feel like sitting around and wait for time to come, so he volunteered in some additional training sessions in the Valdebebas where Sergio and Luka were working on their recovery. He wanted to maintain his fitness, he wanted to be a worthy member of the team and make his people proud. 

Then it happened, when he landed on the ground after a jump, his lower back hurt so much that he couldn’t stand at all let alone walk. After the medical staff briefly examined his injury, they took him to the hospital for further tests and scans and Sergio went with them. He was ruled out of action for at least three weeks depending on his progress of recovery. It meant that he would not be able to participate in the Copa America, and it would be considered as a satisfying progress if he managed to join the team in their pre-season tour. Later in the afternoon after all the tests were done, he was left alone in the examination room when the vice-captain came in to check on him. He couldn’t hold back his tears when Sergio hold him close in his strong arms, saying comforting words to him that a captain would. It had all been too much for him, first Real Madrid ended the season without winning any trophy, then Carlo was sack and Hierro and Paul left with him, and when he thought he could switch his focus on the National team, he couldn’t even fucking walk.

He arrived home after what felt like a year in the hospital, Clarice and Caio helped him to get onto his bed and he had been staying like that ever since. He was given painkillers to help with the severe pain on his back but then not all kinds of pain could be killed. He received loads of messages from his teammates in Real and the National team, even Toni sent over a short video of little Leon to cheer him up, knowing that Marcelo had a soft spot for children.

He picked up his phone again and started looking at the posts from his friends and teammates; it made him happy to see the people he cared were happy. He saw the picture of Salome which James posted yesterday, it was her birthday. Marcelo had met Salome many times and he adored her just like anyone who had ever got to know that beautiful girl. She had got her father’s eyes, his smile and his kindness. He smiled at her picture and then he dialed James’ number, knowing that it should be around lunch time in Colombia. 

“Hola?” James answered gently like he always did. 

“Hey hermanito!!! How’s everything in Colombia??” Marcelo sounded as cheerful as always, so cheerful that one could easily overlooked what had just happened to him, like James.

“Hey Marce!!! I was going to call you too!! How are you in Madrid?” James was no doubt the second most cheerful person in Real Madrid, his voice was smiling and his puppy face was vividly projected in the air, those white teeth, those passionate eyes, his adorable smile, Marcelo missed them.

“Everything are good here mate, a little bit quiet without the noisy ones but yeah we are good. Oh! I was calling to ask you to say happy birthday to Salo! I saw her picture and she is the most beautiful two year old girl on this planet! Give her a kiss for me would you?” But was that really the reason why he called James, just to say happy birthday to his daughter? He could have called Daniela, and he could even say it to Salo himself. 

“Sure, I’ll let her know tonight. Hey listen.” James paused for some good seconds, Marcelo waited patiently, he understood that James needed some time to formulate his thoughts into words, though he already known what he was going to say.

“How do you feel? Cristiano said you have pain on your back and won’t be playing in Copa. How bad was it?” James’ voice grew lighter and lighter by every syllables, as if lowering his voice could reduce the pain he caused by bringing this up.

“It was just a small thing, don’t worry about it. It was just some pain and it was precautions for me to withdraw from the national squad, to avoid making it worse you know? I’ll be fine in a couple of weeks.” No, it was not, Marcelo knew very well. His back was hurting him like crazy even as he breath despite he had doubled the dosage of the painkillers. It hurt him so much that he couldn’t sleep nor eat ever since he returned home. But he couldn’t tell James about it, he didn’t want anyone to share his pain. He shared happiness with everyone but his pain was his own and his only.

It took James a few seconds again before he spoke. “Then it's not too bad I guess…..good to hear that. By the way, could you put Enzo on the phone? Since you are not going to be in Chile, I want to ask him what he wants as souvenir.”

“Sure, hold on.” James heard Marcelo called for Enzo loudly, and then he heard a gasp. It must have hurt him when he yelled, that idiot. 

A moment later, Enzo picked up the phone. “Hello James!”

“Hey Enzo boy! What would you like to have from Chile? There will be scarfs, flags, jerseys, toys and lots of things there, what do you like?”

“Thank you James. Can I have a football with the Copa logo, if it is not too much to ask for?” He was so polite, James thought, his father taught him really well.

“Of course you can. But first of all I need you to do something for me and your father. It’s very simple, can you do that Enzo?”

“Yes, of course! I can do anything, I am a big boy now!”

“That’s my good boy. I want you to tell me how does your father feel, was he hurt badly?”

“I think Papa was hurt badly, he came home in a wheelchair and mami and uncle Caio have to carry him to bed, and Papi did not eat dinner and papi cannot move. But he said he will be okay soon, is that true?” Enzo said sadly, he was already 6 years old and he could understand a lot of things now. Marcelo was shouting at Enzo to shut up and tried to get up to grab the phone from his son but he couldn’t, he fell back down on his bed helplessly. 

“Thank you Enzo, you did a very good job. Your father is going to be okay as long as you are being a good boy and help you father taking care of mommy. Can you do that for papi? I promise I will bring you football and many other stuffs from Chile!”

“Thanks James! I will be a good boy I promise!” 

“Good, now can you give the phone back to papi and go find you mother and see if she needs any help? I want to talk to your father.”

“Ok, bye James!”

Enzo passed the phone back to Marcelo and gave his father a hug. He kissed his father’s forehead like the way Marcelo did every night when he put Enzo to bed, and then he left the room to look for his mother. Marcelo hesitated for a moment before he put the phone on again, not knowing what to say to James.

“James, Enzo was exaggerating it, it was not that bad! I can walk of course, I am just tired and don’t feel like moving around. Don’t worry about it, it was not that serious okay? I’ll be fine soon really..”

James didn't let him finish, “Marcelo! For fuck sake can’t you be honest with me for once??Or do you want me to fly back to Madrid to see you with my eyes so that you can’t deny it anymore? Marce I care about you, a lot, and it hurts me when you don’t even let me share your pain with you. I know there is nothing I can do to help you, I can’t even give you a hug now but I just want to be there for you. Please Marce, talk to me.” Marcelo could not remember James being this mad, not even once, not even when he himself got injured and had to be sidelined for two months during the most critical period of the season. Somehow his anger encouraged him to just spill out everything that he had hidden away from everyone for so long.

“Fine, yes, it hurts like a bitch and I can't even fucking breath without my back screaming at me to remind me that I can’t fucking play in the Copa! I have waited for a year to make up for my people for the disappointment and shame caused by the stupid mistakes I made in the World Cup. And now I can only lie on my bed and stuck in a place where my favourite coach was sack and my friends are gone. James, I fear of losing Iker, Karim, Gareth or Isco. I don’t want to be left alone in Madrid, I miss Carlo, I miss Cris, I miss Pepe, I miss you.”

Tears were falling down not only on Marcelo’s cheek but also on the Colombian. Since he became friends with Marcelo he had never heard him sounding so fragile, so helpless, so lonely, and it broke his heart into million pieces. Being Marcelo, the vice-captain of the biggest club in the world since his early twenties, he had watched players come gloriously at record breaking fees, and players gone because of lacking of trophies, lacking of goals, lacking of superb performance in just one or two games. He was overwhelmed by frustration and disappointment over and over again in all these years, but he hang on all along because the love he had for his club and his teammates was undeniable. Then on top of another round of desperation came this horrible injury. James understood the frustration, of course, not that he hadn’t been injured prior to matches that mattered life and death. Even the most optimistic person had cracks that lured sadness in silently and little by little the pool was enough to engulf him. 

“Marcelo, I do not know what will happen to the club and the team, I couldn’t do anything to change the club decisions. But I promise you I will do everything to help the club to win everything next season so that no one needs to be blamed. I know it’s difficult but please stay strong and let yourself have the rest it needs okay? I need you to be with me in the pre-season, we will fight together from the very beginning until the end this time. I will come back as soon as Copa is over, I promise.”

Marcelo couldn’t help but sobbed, but he didn’t mind being heard of, not at all when it was someone he cared most in his heart. “I thought you are staying with your family until the pre-season starts and I heard that you will be heading to Australia from Colombia?”

“That was the plan I had before I noticed there is something more important for me to do. Well, since you are the only who could stop me from scoring so maybe there will be a day delay as we need to celebrate with the fan after winning Copa.”

“Haha, like you could my dear Colombian boy. We are still very strong even without me, you forget we have David Luiz?” Marcelo was crying and laughing at the same time and James’ heart melt at the ridiculous sound of sob-laughing. His hand unconsciously grabbed the fabric of his tracksuit, imitating the feeling of clutching the Brazilian’s hair. 

“I can just cry in front of him and he will let me pass. Your friend has a very kind heart you know.”

“James, you can’t cry on David’s shoulders again, you are mine now!” Marcelo sounded like a joke that he would tell everyday with Cristiano and Pepe, but the truth was that he could no longer stand seeing James leaning into David like he did again. 

“I know Marce, I know. So are you.” 

Marcelo heard someone calling for James at the background and he knew that it was time for James to join the team for training.

“You better go and work your ass out puppy, I’m gonna grab something to eat too.”

“Yea, I’ll talk to you later and em…. I miss you too Marce.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, Marcelo went to sleep with a smile on his face, cuddling his cell phone like it could offer him warmth and comfort. Somewhere in the South America, the Colombian boy unconsciously kissed his phone and whispered a name before he put it into his pocket and headed to training. Everything was going to be okay when they have each other, wasn’t it?


	2. Toni

Isco: Toni, why you never like my posts  
James: Yes, Toni, please like my posts  
Gareth: Toni you have to at least like mine, I write in English!  
Luka: Gareth, Toni doesn’t like your pony tail…  
Iker: Toni, I am your captain too, you should also like my posts  
Marcelo: Toni, I posted my injury too, please like it pleeeaaaseeeee  
Cristiano: Toni, look at my bicep in my newest post

Toni looked at all the messages in their Whatsapp group on his phone, feeling hopeless for having a bunch of idiots as teammates, a bunch of idiots who were unbelievably good at playing football but nothing else. It started when he somehow liked one of Sergio’s posts earlier today and the whole group gone feverish about it. It was not like he never had liked any of his teammates’ posts was it? No, he must have done that before, even though it might be just once or twice throughout the whole season, but they didn’t make a fuse about that before. Did they really need to over-react like that, he just liked the picture of his teammate posted about his training for god sake, what was the fun in it? 

But Toni learnt his lessons after spending the whole season with this team of idiocy; he learnt to shut up when his teammates were being enthusiastic about something, particularly when that something concerned him and him alone. He ignored their messages completely and started playing music on his phone while he waited to board the plane to Germany, not to join the National team though since he was given a rest by the coach and was not called up this time. He was going to his home town to see his family and friends in Greifswald, spend some time with Felix and maybe hang out with his old teammates in Leverkusen. 

It had been a short and pleasant flight from Madrid to Greifswald, and Toni enjoyed flying alone sometimes so that he didn’t have to engage in any conversation. He sat by the window enjoying the fruits he had ordered and he plugged his iPhone into his laptop to organize his song collections. He was then distracted by the photo album on his phone. Throughout the season he had been so busy playing almost every game and was involved in all national duties, and on top of that he had a NBA league to follow during mid-nights. He never had the chance to look at the photos on his phone until now. He started with those he had taken during the World Cup, his first World Cup, which he had won. He looked at those happy faces of his teammates, many of them were crying, including himself, which he never thought he would cry for football. Then he scrolled down and saw the picture of him and his brother taken on the day he was officially presented for Real Madrid in the Bernabeu. He remembered how relieved he was when his transfer to the Blanco was confirmed, not that he hated Bayern, it was just, not feeling right to be there anymore. He didn’t care about being compared to Xabi Alonso, he was confident with his abilities. The only thing he had worried about was the language, but it turned out not to be a problem at all. He didn’t pick up the language exceptionally well, but his teammates were willing to use English, no matter how awful it was, to communicate with him, for that he was grateful. He recalled how Isco grinned at him saying only “Hello” over and over again on the first day they met and Sergio tried with all the English words he knew to tell him where to get good food in Madrid. It was a joy to watch the usually fierce defender’s face getting redder and redder with every word he said. 

He further scrolled down in his photo album and stopped when he saw the picture of him at the celebration dinner after Cristiano won the Ballon D’or and James won the Puskas Award while he and Sergio were selected for the FIFAPro World XI. He remembered Cristiano sitting with James on the private jet of Real Madrid and he sat with Sergio. There was too much loud music than he could remember and too much champagne to stay awake but he was a German afterall and he could at least deal with the alcohol, if not the music. He remembered Sergio talking to him half drunkenly in Spanish-English and practically leaned all over him like he was a Casillas. As soon as they landed, they went straight to the restaurant where the rest of the team was waiting. For the whole night, to everyone surprises, Sergio did not glue to Iker like he always did, except when the captain came around and gave his beloved defender a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Other than that Sergio was pretty much by his side all the time, challenging his capacity of liquor but there wasn’t many people in Real Madrid who could beat Toni on that save maybe Sami. Some time passed mid-night when Sergio was totally wasted, Toni was still able to keep a conscious mind, although he finally felt that he might not be entirely rational. He heard Sergio laughing hysterically and threw his arms around him to pull him into another hug. He wasn’t a hundred percent certain, but he thought he felt a kiss on his head and he was wondering if he really had heard what he thought he had, the name “Mesut” whispered into his head. That was what he intended to find out afterwards, but he didn’t actually have the time to do it during his busy season. Now that he remembered, maybe he could spend some time on figuring out this mystery.

Since that night Toni did not notice anything unusual about Sergio (not that he had paid extra attention on him, no), he was fooling around with Isco, Dani and Nacho during training like he always did and gluing to Iker like they were married whenever they travel for away games. He continued to throw stupid smile at Toni but his courage in speaking English was largely deteriorated, as if he didn’t know any English anymore that basically he was not talking to Toni at all. So what Toni managed to do was to communicate with him with the little Spanish he could handle plus some body language. And there was less kicking on his ass, messing with his perfectly neat hair or knocking him onto the ground, a lot less, that Toni suspected Iker had had some words with the vice-captain. So Toni thought it was normal that a normal training session being normal instead of being like a party and he was not going to complain about it. 

He then stopped at the picture taken in the dressing room with most of his teammates, after their Champions League victory over Atletico Madrid. It was a huge win after not being able to beat them all season and at that moment of victory it almost felt like they have won the Champions League. When he heard the final whistle was blown, he was so happy that his head started spinning and he jumped onto Sergio out of pure joy. He was overwhelmed with excitement but still he noticed that Sergio was a little less enthusiastic than he expected. Didn’t the defender like embrace like it was as essential as breathing and wasn’t he always the one who opened his arms to invite people into his hugs? Not that he needed it but it would have been better if Sergio could hold his legs a little tighter so that he could finish his small bit of war cry for the victory before he slipped down. Sergio then grabbed James over and the three mid-fielders of the day celebrated their well-earned glory together. Then the celebration in the dressing room went crazy, Cristiano was roaring like a boar and Fabio was clinging onto him like a Koala bear. There was a lot of spraying, be it water, energy drink or champagne, everyone was soaking wet in the end and his hair was a total mess in that picture. Well, he could let that go at least for that one time.  


The plane had landed before he could finish browsing the rest of the album and he packed his bag to get off the plane. He took a deep breath when he exited the airport, taking in as much air as he could into his lung. It felt good to be home. He called his brother as he walked towards the taxi stand, letting him know that he had arrived and he would go over to his house that night. When he got on a taxi, he made another phone call.

“Hey Mesut, its Toni, do you have a moment to talk?”


	3. Kroos

“Hey Mesut, its Toni, do you have a moment to talk?”

“Hey Toni! Haven’t talked to you for a long time, how are you bro? What’s up?”

“Well, its not something important, I mean, I just wonder if you can em….maybe tell me a little bit more about Real.” What he actually meant was “tell me a little bit more about you and Sergio Ramos” but that would have been bold wouldn't it?

“Real? Well I am not sure if there is anything to tell that you have not already known. Everything about that club is pretty obvious I think…But sure, I can tell you whatever I know if that helps, but our team meeting will start in a minute, is it okay for me to call you back a bit later when I’m home?”

“Sure, man. Really, it’s not important so don’t rush for that.”

“Toni, you wouldn’t have called if its not. It’s fine, I need to pack for the trip anyway. I’ll talk to you later alright?”

“Thanks Mes, oh by the way, congratulations to your FA Cup, you were brilliant. And yeah, I’ll talk to you later.”

Mesut threw away the phone carelessly onto the mattress and buried his head under the pillow, he didn’t mean to lie to Toni. Why would Toni suddenly call him and ask about Real Madrid when he had Sami next to him the whole season? He didn’t really know why, maybe it was the hints that Sami had been throwing at him, maybe it was just the guilt, either way he had the feeling that it had something to do with Sergio, and he wasn’t ready for it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Toni’s hometown was quite remote and it took him a more than an hour ride to get home, he missed home a lot, more than he had ever noticed. His parents were still living in the same house even after he became famous and rich; he and Felix insisted on keeping the house they grew up in and one day they would return to the place where everything started. 

Later in that afternoon while he was lying on his old bed in his own room, he took out his phone to check out the updates on social networks, and out of curiosity, as he thought it was, he typed “Sergio Ramos” and “Mesut Ozil” on the magnificent Google search engine. 

“Serzil? Is that even a word?” Toni was puzzled for a few seconds but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what it meant. Most of the fans were talking about the friendship they had when Mesut was playing for Real Madrid, he put a mental note to ask Sergio if he knew any German and why he had never spoken any German to him. As he went on with the search results, besides the numerous pictures of them hugging, cuddling, bodies sewing to one and other, he found some interesting photos; one with Sergio wearing Mesut’s number 10 jersey underneath his own number 4, the other one with Mesut wearing a cap with SR4 braided on the side, and Sergio even had a “M.O.” initials on his car’s seat. That was not quite usual was it? Or was it a Spanish thing they did? He didn’t think he had ever seen anyone wearing someone else jersey underneath during formal matches, especially when the jersey was pure white that everyone could see what was inside. And Mesut, the shy and timid Mesut who wouldn’t even look into his eyes when they met the first time, showed his affection for a particular teammate so openly that it almost looked like he was in love with Sergio. No, he was being carried away by those Serzil fangirls imaginations. There must be some inside jokes and he thought he didn't need to know. 

He heard his parents calling for him when it was time to go over to Felix’ place for dinner, so he put aside his little investigation and went to the garage to get the car. But those pictures kept reminding him the feeling of Sergio putting his lips on his head and said that name, not his name, and strangely, that was not a pleasant feeling at all.

Being with Felix was the best thing in the world, they could talk about anything they wanted. Felix would make fun of him, joke about his hair and his weird sense of posing, but he would never judge him. At dinner, they talked about their seasons at their clubs, Toni told him about his life in Madrid and how Cristiano being a dork most of the time despite most people said that he was arrogant. He told him that being late to training was acceptable in Real and that they could played around during training too which made Felix almost choke on his beer. After dinner Felix brought Toni and some more beer to a lake nearby, just the two of them enjoying a peaceful night under the bright sky of East Germany. 

“Is there anything bothering you, Toni? Like, things outside your football career?” Felix opened two bottles of beer and passed one to Toni.

“No, I mean, well, actually, I won’t say it’s bothering me but I am kind of confused.” Toni told Felix about Sergio, Mesut, the event in the celebration dinner, and what he had found earlier that afternoon.

“So, let’s just say if, there really had been something going on between the two of them, or there still is, will it change what you think about them?”

“Of course not, everyone is free to choose the life they want. I have other friends who came out openly and I have no problem with it, you know that.”

“Then why is this bothering you? You are not the kind of guy who cares about other people’s life enough to even bother.”

“Felix, it is not bothering me, I am just confused.”

“About what then?”

“I don’t know, I am confused about being confused!”

Felix smiled at Toni, “That, my lovely brother, is a kind of human instinct.”

It was four days later when Toni heard back from Mesut.


	4. Mesut

Mesut had almost wished that he was not called up for this international duty, or at least Sami was not, because ever since he had joined up with the National team, Sami had been throwing suspicious looks at him until he finally cornered him one morning at breakfast.

“Mesut, stop avoiding me. Mes!” Sami grabbed his arm and pulled him aside to one of the corner far away from the rest of the team. 

“What the hell are you doing Sami?” Mesut tried to shake off his hand and dared not look at him because with that height and those broad shoulders, Sami could be a little scary at moment like this. 

“What am I doing?? I have been trying to call you since like last international break!”

“I know Sami, I know! I am just scared of what you may talk to me, I am sorry…”

“So you know there is something that we need to talk about?” Sami waited for Mesut to say something, but the smaller man tended to find the floor more interesting than his comrade. “When was the last time you talk to him? Did he call you when we played against Spain last year?”

“Once, but I didn’t pick up, I was having a shower. Then, I didn't have the courage to call him back….” 

“Mes.” Sami let go of Mesut and ran his hand in his hair, “If you don’t want it, why can’t you just let it go and tell him that it’s over between the two of you? It has been almost two years for god sake, it's not fair to Sergio, or anyone he might actually get a chance with.” 

Relationships ended in many different ways, most of the time it started with quarrels and ended with things being thrown at each other’s face, such as rings most commonly. Some people managed to break up peacefully and maintained a healthy but distant relationship. Realistically those were the better cases in which you knew exactly what happened (either you were dumped or had dumped someone) and what you could do next, whether to find a new love, cry your eyes out, get fucked by random people or swear to god that you will never love someone again. However, some people walked away from it gradually and silently and never dealt with the mess they made, leaving the other contributing party struggled between their logical mind and false-hope in an endless debate to determine the status of their relationship. Sadly, that was exactly the situation between Sergio and Mesut.

During the first several months after Mesut had left Real Madrid to Arsenal he would answer Sergio’s calls, once in a while. Sergio was being Sergio, always tried to be cheerful, supportive, understood that there was a lot to take when moving to a completely different league. He often offered to fly over to meet him whenever he got a couple of days off from Carlo, mostly when he suffered from injuries or suspended from games. Mesut declined it almost every time, always with the excuse of busy training schedule, as in “you know how keen the competition is in premier league”, like it wasn’t so in La Liga. That one time he didn’t say no to it was on Sergio’s birthday, he couldn’t bear to disappoint the Sevillian on such an important day. So that night he had dinner with him in a fancy restaurant, but that was all he could give both mentally and physically. 

Sergio returned to the hotel alone that night, and since then he had not offered to visit Mesut again. He still called from time to time but not as often as he used to, and after some time he almost didn’t call at all, save that one time after Spain played against Germany which Mesut didn’t answer. He would send messages to him once in a while, sometimes Mesut would give him a short reply, sometimes none. Mesut knew he was being selfish, a coward who couldn’t say it in his face that it was over between them. He didn’t want to hurt Sergio, who had always been a wonderful friend and the kindest lover he had ever had. He thought that Sergio should have taken the hints, maybe he had after all, but he had never stopped caring about him nonetheless. Mesut wished that one day Sergio finally had enough of this shit and told him to fuck off, he preferred it that way instead of the other way round. He didn’t notice until now what he had been doing to Sergio wasn’t any torture lesser than having told him they were over at the first place. And now he wasn’t being unfair only to Sergio, there was someone else, someone who could give Sergio what he couldn’t. 

“So indeed there is someone that he wants to get a chance with.”

“As far as I can tell, yes, Mes, and you should know that he didn’t make any move until now simply out of respect for you, because you have never told him that you were breaking up with him.”

Mesut looked up to Sami the first time since they were engaged in this conversation, Sami raised an eyebrow and looked back at him, waiting for an answer. Mesut looked away again and let out a sigh of defeat, “I know what I need to do, and I will take care of it this time once and for all. Can we just go back to breakfast before they got curious about what we are talking about, please?” Sami nodded and they walked back to the dining hall to join the others. 

“Aren’t you going to ask me who that is?”

“No, I think I know.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was four days later when Toni heard back from Mesut. 

“Hi Toni, I’m sorry that I didn’t get back to you the other day, I got caught up by something. I’m so sorry…..”

“Hey Mesut, it's ok, I told you no need to rush so it’s fine, really.”

“I have joined the National team in Frankfurt, are you anywhere near? We could get a coffee or something.” This was probably the first time ever that Toni and Mesut hang out with just the two of them. 

“That would be great, I can take a train down to Frankfurt and then I can go to Leverkusen to meet up with some friends afterwards. “

“Great, I’ll be here until the end of next week, give me a call when you are here ok?”

“Yea, see you later mate.”

Toni took an early train in the next morning, he chose train instead of flight because he needed the time to think about how he could possibly ask Mesut about something rather sensitive and totally none of his business, thus, it happened that he had all the time in the world to take things slowly. He was wearing one of his favorite Mavericks cap and sat down on a window seat playing with his phone. Sergio posted a picture of him, Isco and Dani smiling brightly in their La Roja uniform, and Mesut liked it. He wondered if they were going to meet after the Euro qualifiers. Maybe Mesut had already gone to see Sergio several days ago, that could be the reason why he didn’t get back to him the other day. He then started to think, what was Sergio like when he was with Mesut, was he gentle? Was he sweet, or was he dominant like he was on the field? Did Iker know about it? How about Sami? Did Sami know about it all the time even during that international break when they played a friendly against Spain, that he deliberately invited Toni and Mario to his room to talk about basketball so that Sergio and Mesut could have sex? Did they fuck before games, or afterwards? Stop, he told himself, he didn’t want to imagine two male naked bodies in action especially when both of them were their friends, it would be offensive to think about his friends like that.

Maybe he should really talk to Mesut about Real Madrid and only that.

He met Mesut in one of the coffee shop near the training centre of the team, Mesut was there first, it took Toni quite a while to find that hidden place. He gave Mesut a hug before he took the seat opposite to him and ordered a cup of cappuccino. Mesut told him about the things going on in the national team, and Toni told him about his first season in Real Madrid. Toni wanted to know what the team was like when he was there, so Mesut told him about the famous Mourinho era and how much he wished that he could have Carlo as his coach instead.

“Actually the whole world knows that it was a wrong decision. I mean, how often does the Real Madrid fans support a coach to the extent that they begged for him to stay despite knowing very well what he didn’t do well? I can see all players love him, I would have loved him too if I was there. You should have seen the dressing room when Mourinho was there, it was a complete nightmare. No one was happy, some were even angry, and a few of them didn’t get along with each other. And the worst part was that Mourinho didn’t do anything to help with the situation, he actually made it worse. He basically sent Sergio onto the field to fight, and he knew very well that Sergio didn’t need any extra encouragement on that. It was not a good thing to the team when one or two of the key players got into fights regularly and got sent off then suspended, particularly when he was one of the captains. I’m glad that you don’t have to go through that, well, I hope you won’t have to.”

Frankly, Toni didn't care about what Mourinho was like or how the players suffered because the moment when the word “Sergio” left his mouth, he remembered how the Spaniard sounded like when he mumbled the German’s name and the feeling when he hold him in his arms with his mind on the very person now sitting in front of him. Suddenly, Toni had all the courage in the world to ask some boldest questions he had ever asked in his whole life. 

“I heard that you are good friends with Sergio, are you guys very close?”

Fucking finally, Mesut thought, he had been waiting for this and unlike last time, he was ready for it. “Yea, we were very close when I was in Real, he took very good care of me and helped me a lot to adopt when I first arrived. We used to hang out all the time, he was a good company.”

“But not anymore?” Toni didn’t fail to notice the deliberate use of past tense.

“I..……messed up and our relationship is not the same anymore.” 

Then there was the deafening silence, Toni kept his eyes down on his coffee while Mesut looked out of the window but focused on nothing specific. It would be equally embarrassing to ask your friend if he had been fucking his teammate or to admit to your friend that indeed you were. But Toni was too desperate to know the definite truth because speculations were eroding his mind, he wasn’t sure why but he just needed to know precisely what their relationship had been and if possible, what it had become. 

“Mes, are you and Sergio….” 

“Yes, Toni, yes we were.” Mesut interrupted when Toni was still hesitating in the choice of words. “We were exactly what you suspect we were, but as I said, we aren’t anymore, since a long time ago when I left Real Madrid.”

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out, it must be tough especially when we are constantly under the spotlights.” Those were the words that came out automatically, like some routine answers in one of those post match interviews he did when the same questions were being asked over and over again. He did not know how to describe the unsettling feeling in his stomach, it felt like he was waiting in the tunnel before going onto the pitch in Champions league final, nervous but excited. 

“It was tough for me but it has been hell for Sergio. I owed him a lot and I hope I can make it up for him someday.” Toni could see the regret on Mesut’s face, but he didn’t need to extract any more details, what had happened between them was not important, he was always a consequentialist.

“Mes, I think Sergio is still in love with you.” 

Mesut smiled at Toni, “He is in love, maybe, but definitely not with me.”

As if god agreed that their conversation couldn’t be anymore awkward, he sent Per, Mario and Mats to give them some distractions. The three of them walked into the coffee shop and the almighty god also made sure they did not fail to notice the mid-fielder who was not supposed to just show up around the corner. They invited themselves to sit down beside Mesut and ordered coffee, never would they miss a chance to hang out and joke around with their teammates outside the football field. They tried to drag Toni to training jokingly and Toni agreed to pay a visit to the squad, or maybe he did not, he couldn’t remember a single thing happened on the rest of the day.


	5. Sergio Ramos

“Thanks Mes, really, it means a lot to me, thanks.”

He put his phone in the locker and grabbed his boots, it was about time to begin their first training session and all of his teammates were already out on the pitch, except one. Iker walked towards him and put his hand on his shoulder, “You alright?” 

“Yea, couldn’t be better.” He quickly swept away a single tear at the corner of his eye. Iker pulled him into a hug and closed his locker’s door. “Wanna do some freekicks afterwards?”

“You are too old for that grandpa, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You are right…..Let me ask David if he has time, he has to start getting along with you anyway………” The captain looked down on the floor and pretended to be hurt.

And it worked on Sergio every single time. “Iker, I am just kidding, you are still the best in the world, you know that right?” 

“How can you still not know when I am kidding?” Iker was laughing and started to leave the dressing room. “And of course I know. Come on, nene, or someone will prove that I am not the grumpiest person in the world.”

Sergio liked to be with the national team. It gave him some of the fondest memories in his football career and he was still very proud to be part of La Roja despite the hugely disappointing World Cup last year. He would have said, whenever he or his team being challenged, that he was European Champions two times in a row and a world champion in the span of six years so feel free to try to beat him on that. He made a lot of lifetime friends in the national team, like Iker and Fernando, and in spite of the tension he had with those Barcelona and Atletico players during the season, he get along well with almost everyone. He always felt that the national team offered him something different to strive for, something other than satisfying the president and the board of the club under the threat of being transferred, or answering the demand of not losing to Barcelona and Atletico Madrid. 

Since he had just recovered from injury, Del Bosque allowed him to participate only in the first part of the training session. He sat down on the bench to watch the rest of the training while he waited for Iker to finish. The goalkeepers were the last ones to leave the pitch, Iker finished his conversation with David and walked towards the bench with his gloves still on. “Come on nene, let’s play some Cristiano Ronaldo.” They wrapped their arms around each other’s shoulders and walked towards one of the goals. 

It was a common knowledge to everyone that Sergio Ramos was obsessed with scoring goals. His first idol in football was Claudia Caniggia and his favourite position was striker, but to be fair he definitely possessed the quality to be one, he had the speed, strength and skills. Once in a while, he would get a chance to take one of the freekicks, and more than once he had proven himself to be capable of hitting the back of the net as good as those Ballon d’or winners. It had become an extra-curriculum activity for him and Iker to practice freekicks and the saving of them. It was on the training ground where Iker saw the most wonderful strikes of the defender, where Sergio witnessed the most magnificent saves made by the world best goalkeeper. 

It was almost sunset when Iker decided to call it a day and the two captains lie down on the grass enjoying the spring breeze. Sergio put his head on Iker’s thigh while Iker used his gloves as pillow. The two of them remained silent until Sergio uttered one single sentence.

“Iker, we broke up.”

Iker didn’t say anything for a very long moment. He never said anything about the relationship between his defender and the big eyes German. Iker was like a history book that quietly recorded everything happened in Real Madrid and La Roja in the past century because he had always been there, he saw everything and he remembered. He remembered exactly when the friendship between Sergio and Mesut blossomed into something exceeding the limits of teammates and of friends, and he witnessed how their love gradually evaporated and tore his best friend apart. Even when Mesut walked away from him as far as leaving Real Madrid, Iker kept his words to himself, knowing that they would only cause more pain to Sergio than he had already suffered. But this time, Iker had had enough.

“I’m sorry Sergio, but, fucking finally! I was starting to think that this day will never come.” 

Sergio sat up and smiled sadly at Iker, deep in his heart he shared the same thought, fucking finally. Iker hugged him from behind and rest his chin on his shoulders, “So, one German down, one German to go?” 

“I have no idea of what you are talking about, old man.” Sergio fought to get out from Iker’s grip but the goalkeeper indeed had a pair of strong arms despite everyone’s speculations on his physical fitness. So he reached for his captain’s crotch and Iker jumped away quickly to prove again he had no problem with his reflexes. Sergio got up on his feet and started dribbling with the ball and ran away from Iker, leaving the number one screaming behind him.

“He is in Germany!”

Sergio did not look back and went all the way back into the dressing room to take a long hot shower. A small smile climbed onto his face when he secretly decided the destination for his coming vacation, a country not too far away from Belarus where he would be playing the Euro qualifier. For the first time in a long while, he felt that he could actually enjoy a holiday without waiting for Mesut to call him even though he knew he wouldn't, or struggling on whether he should send him a message or something. He finally felt legitimate to think about starting something new, a new life, and maybe a new relationship if he was lucky. 

He thought about the blonde German, the one he told himself over and over again not to think about in the past several months. He had suppressed any thoughts before they started to take shape in his head so he wasn’t entirely sure about what he felt about him, he simply found him, amusing. When Toni first arrived to Real, he was very quiet just like Mesut was, maybe that was why Sergio was drawn to him at the first place. But when he spent more time with him he noticed how different the two Germans were; Toni had a lot of confidence and was totally capable of taking care of himself, he was strong and didn’t need any protection. He didn’t know a lot of Spanish but when he needed to defend himself on the pitch he would not be shy to do so. Sergio admired him, his slender body was a camouflage of strength that could rival Cristiano. While lots of them suffered from injuries, Toni had hang on throughout the whole season and he ended up being the one who played most games among the squad, in one of the most demanding positions on the field. But on top of all these, Toni was lovely in a unique way, a Toni way. Sergio liked his smiled, either when he smiled shyly at the back of the group or when he was laughing brightly at one of Isco’s jokes. His hair was blonde his skin was pale his teeth were white and he always wore white boots, everything about him was so pure, so innocent, that the thought of defiling him just a little bit could be tempting, if Sergio had allowed himself to imagine. 

Back then he had always had Mesut at the back of his mind, he once had thought that Mesut only needed time so time was what he had given him, too much to most people’s judgement. But then he didn’t want to lose Mesut unless he told him that was what he wanted because giving up was not something Sergio Ramos would do. So when he noticed the embrace with Toni got a bit too comfortable and indulging, he consciously pulled away and tried to be a proper vice-captain because Sergio Ramos would either give his all or wouldn’t give at all. 

And the 92:48 man always fought for what he wanted.


	6. Reino de Leon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This may be boring at a certain point....i'm so sorry
> 
> Spain played agaisnt Costa Rica in a friendly and Sergio and Toni finally met =)

“He is in love, maybe, but definitely not with me.”

That was what Mesut said, and if he chose to believe in him then the next question would be, “Who the hell can that be if it’s not him?” Toni went through the whole squad list in his head and evaluated the possibility of each of them. Based on all detective movies he had watched as a kid, the most obvious suspect would never be the guilty one, so he ruled Iker out without a second thought. Then there were those who just didn’t fit into the picture no matter how open he kept his mind, therefore, Pepe, Dani, Karim and Gareth were also taken out from the list. And Sergio would not mess with his friends’ relationships, either potential or established, so it was probably not Marcelo, James, Fabio or Cristiano, or any of the married guys. There weren’t many of them left now, but then he realized that those were only his teammates in the club, he needed to take his national teammates under consideration too, say his landlord Torres and Morata. It couldn’t be a Barce or Atletico player could it? Like Pique or Koke? Or maybe it was still Meust afterall. Amidst of his thoughts, the ball went pass Iker and hit the back of the net, again.

Toni almost threw his controller onto the wooden floor after he had conceded another goal, making the final score 0-6 in Felix’ favour, and Toni had always been the better gamer, always.

“Toni, you suck after you moved to Spain!” Felix was laughing hysterically at his brother.

“Shut up, our defenders are just too stupid.” A remark for the game was Sergio Ramos being sent off in the 10th minutes after committing a ridiculous late tackle which would have broken the opponent’s leg in reality. “Sure you are, sorry, I mean they are!” Felix merely dodged a punch on his arm as he fled towards the kitchen. “I’m going to get some juice to celebrate my victory, do you need anything, leg-breaker?” As response, a cushion flew across the room and landed comfortably on Felix’ face. 

While Felix was in the kitchen making something like a mixture of juice with whatever fruits he could find in the refrigerator, Toni’s phone rang and the call display showed the name “Chicharito”, he smiled and answered immediately.

The two of them became good friends during the season because Chicharito’s English was very good and probably the best among all the non-English speaking players in the squad. He helped Toni a lot with translation when Sami was mostly absent from the team in the second half of the season. “Are you calling to tell me that you will be playing in Bundesliga next season because I definitely didn’t see that coming.”

“Based on the latest transfer rumours I am very likely to be either returning to Old Trafford or going to one of those Italian teams. Either way, this is not the reason I call, don’t distract me, what are you doing this Thursday?”

“Thursday? Em….nothing specific but for your information I am in Germany so if you want to have a date with me, you have to board a plane right the way.”

“No, you are going to board a plane and get your ass here now. Jese and Nacho are going to the match of Spain against Costa Rica on Thursday to give papi a surprise, exact wordings from Jese. Keylor will be playing too so I am going to join them and you are coming with me.” Chicharito informed, not inquired.

“O..k…I’ll see if I can make it then.” Toni sounded unsure, not that he really was but quite the opposite actually.

“Great. Call me when you get here bro.” 

Felix returned to the living room after Toni had finished his call with Chicharito, with a glass of juice in poisonous colour in his hand. 

“Hey, are you interested in going to Spain with me?” 

“Well, depends on whether you will leave me alone somewhere on the street without knowing a single word in Spanish while you attend to other more important matters of yours. Will you?”

Toni shrugged. “Maybe, probably. Is that a no?” 

“That’s exactly how to take care of a little brother, thanks Toni, I think I’m gonna pass on that. Oh by the way, does it have anything to do with your little affair with one of your teammates?” 

“I don’t have an affair with my teammate.” 

“Which one is it again? Sergio Ramos or Pepe?”

“Pepe????”

“Oh yea, its Sergio, I remember now. Good luck brother!”

Toni was thankful that his brother wasn’t playing in the same team with him, for once, thank you Perez.

****************************************************

Iker was sitting on the bench in the dressing room after he had done with his preparation for the match. He took out his phone to look at it one more time like he always did before matches. “So those little pricks have come to watch the game huh?” Iker smiled contently at Jese’s Instagram picture and then he noticed who else were in it. Wow, what a surprise, he silently exclaimed. 

The team lined up in the tunnel and was ready to walk out to the pitch. Iker was not playing tonight so Sergio was the captain of the team and he stood in the front of the line. Iker gave him a kiss on his cheek and whispered something to him quickly before he walked towards the bench. 

“Kroos is here.” 

Then they were signaled to move out leaving Sergio no time to think so he walked onto the pitch representing his country like he did more than a hundred times and looked up into the sky as usual when the National Anthem was played. He shook hands with the opposing team, winked at Keylor and slapped Dani on his ass, then he ran into the box on their half towards David and gave him a kiss on the cheek way too intimate which David suspected he probably forgot he was not Iker. He was glancing all over at the stadium, looking into each of the VIP booth one by one, trying to find a specific blonde head until he heard David shouted at him. 

Shit, he didn’t hear the kick off whistle and almost missed Koke’s pass as his eyes were still wondering around. Cesc gestured him to stay focus but maybe a goalkeeper at the back verbally raping him or his mother might have drawn some better attention because in the 6th minutes Spain was already down to 0-1. David couldn’t have done anything about it but Sergio could. Despite being the most experience one in the defence line, his marking was poor and he let the ball went in too easily. Even if David wasn’t mad at him, he was sure that Iker would have something to say at half time. So he decided to make things up with the most straight forward approach, by scoring an equalizer; and by making things up he also meant salvaging his image to impress someone currently watching from the stand. 

Having scored some stunning goals in training gave him extra confidence so he charged into the opponent’s box countless times during the game, although he only managed to provide an assist to Alcacer’s equalizer and some shots on target. At half time, Spain was leading 2-1 and Sergio was substituted by Pique early in the second half. The scoreline stayed the same until full time whistle was blown and a satisfied Iker went back into the dressing room with a not quite satisfied Sergio because he still couldn’t find what he had been looking for.

Sergio was still sitting on the bench half naked in the dressing room with his iphone in his hand when Iker came out from shower. “Are you going to just stare at your phone until it turns into a potato or are you actually going to call him?” 

“Iker, I have never called him before, like never. What if he doesn’t understand what I say? What if I don’t understand what he says? What if he is busy? What if he has company? What if…”

“Sergio, seriously how often do you think before you act? You don’t! So cut the crap and call him for fuck sake, he may have left the stadium already.”

Then his phone suddenly exploded with loud flamenco like a fire alarm and he almost tossed the phone away as if he was being electrified. He slid across the screen hastily to answer in order to stop the deafening music. “Hola!”

“Hello?” 

Iker swore that in all his life he had never seen a pair of eyes being so big, bigger than both Mesut’s and Marcelo’s eyes combined. He watched as Sergio’s facial expression evolved from shocked to excited, from longing to grateful and to two hundred other emotions, and then he found himself imitating those expressions when he heard who was calling.

“Toni? Oh…..hey….I heard that you were at the game. Are you still around?” 

“Yea, actually, I was wondering if you want to grab a bite together or something, if that’s okay to your team.”

Sergio looked at Iker and that was all it took for his captain to understand what he wanted. Iker smiled at him and said soundlessly, “Go”.

“You know what? I know a place not far from here…….”

Iker silently walked away to give him some privacy. He told Del Bosque that Sergio had some urgent matters to attend to and he would return to the team hotel later, thus guaranteed with his sainthood that he would come back in one piece. He looked at Sergio again before he left the dressing room and caught the defender grinning like an idiot as he talked on the phone. It had been too long since he saw him being truly happy and alive with hope glittering in his eyes. If he really had no other choice but to leave Real Madrid this summer, at least he could have one less thing to worry about.

****************************************************

Toni was waiting inside a taxi in the car park of the stadium. As soon as the game had finished he told Chicharito that he was tired and wouldn’t be joining their post-game gathering with Isco and Dani. He got on a taxi and asked the driver to circle around the stadium, only returned when he was sure the boys had left. He couldn’t help but thinking how much it looked like he was sneaking up with a mistress behind their backs but group gathering really wasn’t what he wanted.

The door of the taxi was opened and Sergio got in with a bright smile on his face. He greeted Toni with a squeeze on his knee and gave the driver an address of a restaurant. Like Sergio had said the place was not far away from the stadium, it was a small restaurant in a hidden alley but it was very cosy and offered a lot of privacy. Thus, Sergio had chosen this place for a particular reason; it offered German dishes with German menu and staffs who could speak German. 

The owner of the restaurant came over to greet them and Sergio hugged him like old friends. “Sergio! I haven’t seen you and Mesut for a long time, I have almost fired our chef because I thought you don’t like our food anymore!”

“Don’t be ridiculous amigo, your food is one of the best in Spain! Let me show you my friend here, Toni Kroos, he is also from Germany and he’s my teammate in Real.” The owner and Toni talked in rapid German which Sergio had absolutely no idea of what they were talking about. As soon as their orders were taken, they were left to themselves in a private section of the restaurant.

They talked about their club, what they thought would happen in the new season, who were likely to be signed and which rumours they thought were bullshit. They talked about their holidays and families, tennis and basketball, and a thousand other things that both of them couldn’t care less about. The truth was when Toni was saying something about the NBA finals, Sergio was actually thinking about how he could tell someone as straight as Toni Kroos, that he had a crush on him and watching him spoke with that tongue and those lips especially in German made him wanted to kiss him and suck his brain out right here and right now. But then the one who was actually talking wasn’t performing the task wholeheartedly either because Toni realized Sergio didn’t even know that he knew about the relationship between him and Mesut so he was thinking how he could sound less impudent to ask if he was still in love with Mes or if not who it was. 

And we would all lose our money if we bet on who would lose patience first.

“So you come here with Mesut a lot? How did you find this place?” 

“Well he used to complain about Spanish food all the time and how much he had missed the food from home, so I asked around and Karim told me about this place. It’s not that close to Madrid so we used to come here once in a while, well, until he went to Arsenal. I haven’t come here since then. So do you like it here? Mes said their food is very authentic especially the Bratwurst.”

“Yea, this place is amazing and probably the best German food I have tried in Spain.” Toni paused, no, he wasn’t here to talk about sausages or beer or any other food with Sergio. “Listen, Sergio. You are a good friend and I will never judge you for who you are and what you do in your private life. Just remember, I will always be your friend no matter what.”

“OK, I’m listening….” Holy shit, was he being friend-zoned just now? Did he stare at his lips too evidently or was it because he put his hand on his thigh for too long? Was he being sent off before the game even kicked off?

“I think I should be fair to you and tell you what I know. I met Mesut around a week ago, and he told me about you and him, I mean, the truth in you and him. It was me who asked him about it, I am sorry Sergio, I know it’s none of my business. But I just want you to know that I’m totally fine with it and you have all my support. You know, I am both yours and Mesut’s friend so I’m glad to help if there is anything I can do.”

“Oh.” Seriously, OH. To be honest he was kind of glad that Toni had already discovered his little sexuality secret, it might even make his confession a little bit easier. He was surprised that he had learnt about Mesut, but he never thought it could be kept as a secret forever and he was going to tell him anyway. The real problem was, did Toni think that he and Mesut were still together? Oh no. 

“No, Toni, no, me and Mesut are not what you think, I mean, yea we used to be together but we have broken up already, it was over, done, ended, past tense, past perfect tense.” Sergio was panicking like he had just given away a penalty in the most reckless way possible. 

“But if you still love him……” Toni swallowed the rest of the sentence because Sergio was shaking his head with disbelief. He thought he must have crossed the line and Sergio was disappointed. 

Sergio got up from his seat and stood in front of Toni, “You know what?” he took Toni’s hands and pulled him up onto his feet so that they were face to face with each other. “It hurts me when you said you see me as a friend, because I don’t want you to.” He let go of one of his hand and slipped his arm around his waist. “And I don’t want to talk about Mesut with you.” He leaned in closer until their faces were only centimeters apart, “I don’t love Mesut, I love you.” He then closed the little distance between them and kissed Toni gently on his lips.

Before Toni even noticed his own hand had already climbed its way up to the muscular back and he parted his lips and let Sergio in to take whatever he seek voraciously, and he had never realized he was more than willing to give.


	7. Momento

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope u like this chapter as much as i do. I promise a gd ending dun worry cos married or not Toni belongs to Sergio in my world ;)

Toni was born in an ordinary family in Eastern Germany before the reunification with the western side. His father was a football coach so he had started playing football since he was very small. He and his younger brother Felix went to the same schools and although he didn’t have the best grades in class, he had always been a decent boy loved by teachers and classmates. He started playing full time in Hansa Rostock at teenage when people began to notice his talents. It was also then when he met his first girlfriend who was a fan of the team. She came to watch the game every weekend and sometimes during weekdays in the evening when the team trained. One day she approached Toni after training and asked him to sign her jersey, so Toni clumsily wrote his name on the shirt because it was the first time he had ever signed for a fan. She was about the same age as him and eventually they became friends and started dating each other. It was his first love but it ended sadly when the girl moved with her family to Munich several months later. Since then Toni had been in several other relationships, not a lot, but most of them ended when the girls had had enough of stress from the media or fans. He had always known that was the price he had to pay for being a successful and famous footballer. 

The last time he had kissed someone was more than a year ago, before he took off to participate in the World Cup. He had been so busy playing for Bayern and preparing for the World Cup that he admitted he had not given her enough attention. Then the joy from winning the greatest title in football surpassed everything so he had moved on quickly afterwards. He neither was exceptionally keen to start a new relationship nor was he disinclined to it, but taking all his imagination into accounts, he had never thought there would be a day when one of his teammate confessed to him.

He had always been a discreet person, doing what people expected him to do, at the appropriate time and in a decent manner. He held nothing against homosexuality, but he had never been kissed by a man before, except on the cheeks as greetings. The kiss with Sergio was nothing like any kiss he had with his girlfriends; the usual feminine tenderness was replaced by determination, delicacy replaced by intensity, dependency replaced by domination. He felt like he had fallen into a different world where every sense in his body was magnified by each stroke of his quickening heartbeat, and he was scared. He was terrified by his own submission to the temptation and the growing desire under his flesh; he was terrified of what was building up inside of him, an uncontrollable indulgence towards a man. 

His last bit for self-constrain pulled him away from the kiss and he took a step backward. “Wait….” He was breathing hard and his voice was hoarse, “I can’t…..I…..I don’t…..I’ve never…..I just…..” While his emotions were on the verge of being unleashed like an avalanche, speech was just another thing to be added to the list of what he couldn’t control anymore. 

And Toni was not the only one who was panicking, Sergio looked like he was just shown a red card. He let go of his grip on Toni’s hand and cautiously took a step back from him. “I’m sorry Toni, I shouldn’t have pushed you on it. I didn’t mean to scare you. I got impatient and I lost my head. I’m so sorry.” 

Toni took a few deep breath and tried to regain his composure, “No, Sergio, it’s not like that, you don’t have to apologize…its just….it’s not what you think…..I just need a moment to think ok?”

Sergio nodded in slow motion, “Do you want me to call you a taxi to take you back to your hotel?” Toni was already walking out of the restaurant. 

“No, I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He turned back when he reached the door, “Good luck to your game.”

And Sergio nodded in slow motion again and watched him disappeared behind the closed door.

Toni couldn’t remember how he got back to his hotel room that night; he only knew that as soon as he locked the door he took all his clothes off and headed straight into the shower. He let the icy cold water drenched him from head to toe until his senses were numbed and his heart was no longer pounding like thunder, but the coldness couldn’t freeze the looping thought inside his head, “It's me.” 

This was not one of those fake rumours they made fun of Iker and Sergio when they acted like couples in trainings, nor was it one of those jokes they had on Isco and James when the two of them cuddling like puppies. And it was definitely not the joke Felix had played on him about having an affair with his teammate because he was painfully close to have just started one.

He sat on the bed and his hair was dripping water on the sheet. He kept telling himself to stop thinking about what had happened, but the shower didn’t wash away the scent of Sergio’s aftershave nor the warmth on his lips, it couldn’t wash away the caress on his back nor the words whispered into his ears, and it wouldn’t wash away the solid confession, it was him that Sergio loved. And he was afraid to think about the only question that he should be asking himself, because he had already known the answer and there would be no turning back if he admitted it. 

He had never questioned about his own sexuality, he had no prejudice towards homosexuality, but he had never thought he would have desires towards a man. He often shown great support to his gay friends, telling them they had nothing to be ashamed of and there was nothing wrong for being attracted to the same sex. And he sincerely meant them, but he had never truly understood how much they had meant to those who needed them. It was much harder than he thought to admit to himself let alone to others that he had affection towards his friend. He panicked when he thought of his parents, his brother, his friends and his teammates (apart from that one of course), how everything would be different if he succumbed to his own desires. He felt himself failing them for not being the Toni they expected him to be, and he was frightened of how they would look at him. He suddenly remembered how Mesut had admitted to him about his relationship with Sergio, like he didn’t care about whether he would be judged at all. He wasn’t as brave as Sergio, he wasn't’ even as brave as Mesut. 

Being desperate, however, didn’t make him a less responsible person. He took out his phone reluctantly and checked all the missed calls and unread messages. He had seven missed calls, four from Chicharito, the rest were from Nacho, Felix and Isco, and there were uncountable messages from their Whatsapp group as usual and some from other people but none of them were important. He lied down on the bed in the silent hotel room and he had never felt so alone.

************************************************************

When Sergio returned to the team’s hotel, it was already passed mid-night and all of his teammates where asleep. He went back into his room and threw himself onto his bed. Jesus Christ, what had he done this time? He needed to talk to someone, he needed advise, he needed someone to tell him that he didn’t screw it all up and that he still had a chance. He looked over to the bed next to him and Iker was sleeping soundly. So he took out his phone and checked the time of his teammates’ last appearance on Whatsapp.

Isco, last seen today at 03:12

Gerard, last seen today at 03:09

Neither of them were the best option but he couldn’t be too picky now. He went into the bathroom to make the phone call so that he would not wake Iker up.

“Isco, I need to talk to you.”  
“What? Now? It’s three o’clock in the morning, man.”  
“And you are still awake, so yea, now.”  
“Why don’t you talk to Iker? He is in the same room with you and I’m sure he is the better option.”  
“Iker is asleep.”  
“And you can’t wait until he wakes up?”  
“No.”  
Isco reckoned the concision of Sergio’s answers was one of the scariest things in the world if not the scariest. “Well, sure. You wanna come over to my room?”  
“Where is Dani?”  
“He is having some near death experience and he is spiritually not in the room.”  
“I’ll be there in two.”  
And Isco also reckoned he might well have his own near death experience too.

Given their rooms were actually on the same floor, it didn’t really take Sergio two minutes to get to Isco’s room. Dani was sleeping like a dead man and Isco still had his laptop on his bed, didn’t he and Alvaro ever need to sleep? 

He took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and finished it in one go, then he sat down nervously in one of the chair.

“Honey, you look like a mess, do you want me to get you some ice-cream?”  
“Not now Isco, not now.”  
“O..k…So what is it that you want to talk about?”  
“I em…need you advice.” He took a deep breath, “I took someone I’m obsessed with and probably the love of my life to dinner and he thought I am still in love with my ex and said he will support me and help me with our relationship so I got really nervous because I don’t want him to misunderstand but then my body act faster than my head and I told him he is the one I love and I kissed him but I think I have scared the shit out of him because he pushed me away and said “wait I need a moment to think” and then he left so I need you to tell me that I didn’t fuck it all up and that I still have a chance.” 

“Holy fuck! Breath Sergio breath!” Isco gently soothed his back and gave him another bottle of water. Sergio continued to tell him all the details of what happened in the restaurant in a slightly calmer pace.

“Well, first thing first, will you take it out on me in training if I say the truth of what I think?”

Sergio shook his head.

“Then let me get this straight, did you say ‘he’ and ‘him’ instead of ‘she’ and ‘her’?”  
“It doesn’t matter, just tell me what you think.”  
“Of course it matters! Is he someone I know?”

Sergio nodded unwillingly and started avoiding the penetrating gaze of the magician.

“If you can tell me who that is then I may have a better guess on what he thinks.”  
“Fine......It’s Toni.”  
“Toni? Our Toni the Kroos? What the fuck? You kissed Toni? Holy shit!”  
“Do you mind keeping your amusement to yourself before I changed my mind and come after you in every training session?”  
“I’m sorry Sergio, I just never have thought about you and Toni being, you know. I thought he had girlfriends..”  
“For your information I had girlfriends too, anyway that’s not important. Do you think I scared him off? Am I doomed?”

Isco looked at Sergio and then on the floor and back to Sergio, “Sergio I respect you as a captain but if you ask me what I think, then I’ll be honest with you. I think, of course he was scared as fuck, he was supposed to be having dinner with a teammate and a friend. How often do you think it has happened to him that his teammate with the same gender as his, suddenly confessed to him and kissed him in the middle of a restaurant? If I was him I would have punched you in your face before you could put that filthy tongue of yours inside my mouth.”

Sergio had never hated himself so much, much more than he missed the penalty against Bayern Munich, much more than losing to the Netherlands in the World Cup.

“But the good sign is, he didn’t do what I would do, and he actually let you get to him and kiss him quite willingly as you described. Toni is a guy who always knows what he wants and what he doesn’t and no one can force him into anything. If he doesn’t like you at all this whole ‘incident’ would not even happen.” 

Sergio tried to recollect what he felt before Toni pulled away. He was sure that he had kissed him back, he remembered his tongue sweeping over his teeth and his hand clenching his neck, and he remembered he shivered at his touch and he quietly moaned at their kiss. And he remembered the way he looked at him before he left, it was not disappointment, it was not antipathy, it was something closer to what he imagined it was, affection.

“Isco…what can I do to make things right?” 

“Nothing, you wait. If Toni said he needs time to think then all you need to do is give him time.”

So he did, and he prayed that it wouldn’t take him another two years this time.

Eventually it didn’t, but it caused him a little bit of blood and a little bit of pain to give Toni enough courage to admit to his undeniable self and be truthful to his heart. 

 

AS NEWS: SERGIO RAMOS HOSPITALIZED IN CUBA AFTER CAR CRASH  
The Real Madrid player was visiting UNICEF projects in Cuba as goodwill ambassador when the crew’s bus crashed on the way to a primary school in Havana. He was taken into a local hospital while condition remained undisclosed.  
AS Cuba  
17/06/2015 15:14h


	8. Cuba

Since Toni came back from Spain almost a week ago, he had adopted an ultimate primitive life-style, meaning no television, no magazine, no PlayStation and no cell phone. Felix was very concerned about his brother’s sudden change of habits and of course he had a guess or two, but Toni assured him that it was the tiredness from the season which was finally gaining on him and he just wanted to have a break from everything. So he pretended to be oblivious and left his brother alone to himself, hoping that eventually he would make up his mind and spill it out like he always did. 

Most of the time during the day, Toni would lie on his bed in his room listening to music on his iPod or reading a book in random topic and this day was no exception. He had closed his eyes with headphones on when Felix ran into his room.

“Toni!” He shook his brother urgently and Toni took off his headphones, “What’s wrong?”  
“I know you are now a caveman and all but you really need to look at this.” He showed him his phone but Toni quickly turned his head away, “Even if it is about Real Madrid signing Messi, I don’t think I want to know….”  
“Fuck! Toni! Just read!”  
Toni took his phone reluctantly and started reading.

 

AS NEWS: SERGIO RAMOS HOSPITALIZED IN CUBA AFTER CAR CRASH 

The Real Madrid player was visiting UNICEF projects in Cuba as goodwill ambassador when the crew’s bus crashed on its way to a primary school in Havana. The defender was taken into a local hospital while condition remained undisclosed.

Local media reported that the bus involved in the accident was carrying 6 to 8 people including the Real Madrid defender when it crashed with another vehicle. According to reliable source, the bus was severely damaged and it was reported that Sergio Ramos was found unconscious when he was rescued by local police. Real Madrid has yet to comment on the incident but it is expected that the club will be in contact with local authority within the day.

AS Cuba  
17/06/2015 15:14h

 

“No……nonono…it can’t be happening, no, no!”

Toni’s legs were shaking when he stumbled to the wardrobe and found his cell phone underneath the piles of clothes. He turned it on with trembling fingers but there were too many voice messages and unread messages that he had not the time to go through them one by one now. He entered Sergio’s chat dialogue which shown his last appearance at 08:48. He quickly dialed his number but like anyone would have expected the call was diverted straight into his voice mail box. 

This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t be happening, or was it his punishment for being too much of a coward that God had decided to take Sergio away so that he could continue to be the Toni Kroos that he was supposed to be? Was Sergio leaving him forever?

No, no, Sergio, no. His experience told him that the news on Marca or AS or Mirror was rubbish most of the time and he needed someone reliable to tell him what had happened to Sergio. There was only one person he could trust on this, he called his captain immediately.

“Toni?”  
“Iker, what happened?? How’s Sergio?? Was he hurt?? Where is he now?? Was he..”  
“Toni, calm down, Sergio is ok, but like you probably have heard he had a car accident in Cuba. He was stabbed on his shoulder by one of the window frame and had some cuts but he is okay now. He has just undergone surgery to remove the scattered fragments of the frame from his shoulder and he is still in one of the local hospital.”

Sergio was alive.

“Wait, local hospital? We need to get him back to Spain now!! I don’t trust the hospitals that don’t even have enough vaccination for children! Iker, get him back now!”  
“Trust me, I want to as much as you do, but they have to make sure his condition is stable before they will let he get on a plane. The club is sending a medical flight to Havana tonight and they will bring him back safely as soon as they can. Don't worry, he is now in capable hands and he is going to be fine.”  
Toni let out a deep breathe that he didn’t notice he was holding, “Iker…can you em…..”  
“Yes, Toni, I will let you know as soon as he is back to Madrid. But just one thing, turn your fucking phone on please.” 

Sergio was alive.

Toni sat down on his bed and told Felix briefly about the situation. Felix sat down next to him and held him tightly in his arms, more convinced of his speculations than ever, “If you want, I can go to Madrid with you tomorrow so that you can be there when he comes back. Sergio is strong and he is going to be fine and everything is going to be ok.”

Toni shook his head and pulled away from his brother’s embrace, “No, it’s not Felix, I’m not ok, nothing is ok.”

Of course he wanted to, if it was up to him he would have flown to Havana right the way so that he could see him with his eyes and hold him with his arms to make sure he was breathing and alive. He had been so scared to acknowledge his feelings and too frightened to climb out of the well-established wall of so-called morality, he didn’t expect that something else called mortality could have ended his struggle with a new level of desperation. Even the wisest would make the most obvious mistake in human nature, that we would never learn to cherish something until we noticed we were about to lose it forever. 

“Toni,” Felix kneeled down in front of his brother and gently placed a hand on his knee, “what happened in Spain?”

Toni was mortified at the question as if any slight reaction would reveal his secret. “Felix please, don’t make me….I can’t, I’m sorry.” He begged and turned his face away from him.

“I’m not making you to do anything, I’m trying to help you, like we always do for each other. You know that you can tell me about anything, including what you think you can only carry by yourself.” 

And Toni knew very well that he could not escape anymore, he owed his brother the truth, he owed himself the truth, and he owed it to the person who was now lying in pain in the bed of an alien hospital. “I’m sorry, I failed you, I failed mom and dad, I failed everyone’s expectations. I was trying to fix it but I can’t and I’m failing you even more.”  
“No, you won’t, no matter what happens you are always the Toni I’m proud of and will always be. I will always be on your side, you know it.”  
“You don’t understand! This is not about being benched by the coach or sold by the club or dropped by the national team. I…..I……”

It took him every ounce of courage to say the words but even more so to hear himself saying them.

“I fall in love with someone I should never have.”

************************************************************

“Sir!!Sir!! Can you hear me?? Try to open your eyes please sir!”

Sergio felt someone clapped his face but his eyelids were so heavy that he couldn’t open his eyes. He felt pain all over his body and his right shoulder was screaming in agony. He struggled to move his upper body but he felt like he was being pinned against the back of his seat. His tried to reach the source of his pain but someone stopped him from raising his arm.

“Please don’t move, you will hurt yourself. We are getting you out of here but you need to stay still. Do you understand me sir?”

Sergio merely nodded his head and managed to open one of his eyes with all his strength. There were two people in front of him in neon green jackets and one of them was keeping his head still with both of his hands. “What happened?” he asked barely in whisper.

“You had an accident and you are hurt. But you are safe now and we are taking you to the hospital. I need you to stay with me can you do that?”

Sergio nodded again but he could not keep his eyes opened anymore, “How are the others?”

“They are okay and some of them are already on their way to the hospital, you don’t have to worry about them.”

Then he felt that he was being lifted up from the seat and secured on a stretcher. He could hear sirens of ambulances and many people were talking tensely at the back. He tried to recall what happened, he remembered there had been an abrupt turn of the bus and people were screaming, then suddenly a tremendous force knocked the bus off its balance and everything turned black. He could only see one thing in his mind and he mumbled underneath the oxygen mask before he gave his consciousness away.

“Toni..”

 

He saw Carlo standing in the middle of the dressing room and announcing the starting line-up for the game. “Today Keylor will be in goal, Marcelo, Sergio, Pepe and Dani at the back, Isco, Mesut and James in the middle and BBC up front. We’ve lost to them at home last season and we are not going to let that happen again. I have faith in all of you so let’s show them what we are capable of. Now the starting ones come with me to the pitch to warm up.” Sergio stared at the lockers of the team’s number eight with Mesut’s poster on it and James’ poster on number ten, he felt that there was something terribly wrong with those two lockers but he couldn’t tell what it was. He then heard Carlo calling for him so he went out to the pitch and joined the warm up. 

When the game was about to kick off and he was standing in front of the box as usual, he looked at the black hair boy in front of him with the number 8 and the name Mesut on his jersey. Wait, no, this wasn’t right, it wasn’t right at all, he shouldn’t be the one in that jersey, he shouldn't be here anymore, where was he? He ran over to the bench and yelled at Carlo, “Carlo, why is Mesut here??? Where is Toni???” Carlo looked at Paul and Fernando, who shrugged their shoulders and shook their heads. “Sergio, what are you talking about? Are you okay? Who is Toni?” He couldn’t control his anger and he grabbed Carlo by the collar of his suit, “What have you done to Toni?? Where is he?? Give him back to me!” But suddenly he felt a sharp pain on his shoulder and he crumbled onto the ground. Then everything surrounding him began to fade away except a slender figure standing on top of the empty Bernabeu stand. He tried to reach out to him but every part of his body was screaming in pain and he could not even raise his arm. 

“Toni..”

Sergio was holding him tightly in his favourite couch and he was dropping small kisses on the curve of his neck. The blonde wrapped his arms around his shoulders and tilted his head aside to give him more access while Sergio slipped his hand underneath his shirt and gently caressed the strong muscle of his back. He could smell his favourite perfume and he could feel him breathing on his ear, and he felt a warm hand stroked his face tenderly and something swept across his lips.

“Toni…”

“Sergio, can you hear me?” A familiar voice said softly.

He could hear beeping sounds and he could felt the smell of alcohol assaulting every nerve in his nose. He tried to open his eyes but was forced to close them immediately when the lights hit them. He waited for a few seconds to open them again slowly and blinked several times until he could focus on the radiant figure standing in front of him. 

“Toni?” It was barely a whisper. 

Toni smiled and leaned in to kiss him gently on his forehead, “Welcome home.”


	9. Decisión

* * *

Toni and Felix took the earliest flight available and arrived in Madrid the morning after Sergio’s accident. Toni’s car was parked in the airport when he left for Germany so they went to pick up his car in the car park when Felix began to wonder if he really knew his brother as well as he thought.

 

“Red? Why would you want to paint your car in red? I thought you like everything in white.”

“I happened to like it in red, is there a problem with it?”

“Let me guess, Sergio’s favourite colour is red isn’t it?”

“Shut up and get in the car, I thought you said you will support me no matter what but I am not sure if teasing is the best method.”

“Seriously how could I not notice earlier when you have been so obvious about your crush all the while?”

 

Ironically, teasing and joking with Felix was exactly what made Toni felt a little bit less self-conscious about himself. He remembered how surprisingly calm Felix was when he told him about his feelings for Sergio and how he instantly joked with him that they would make the dorkiest yet most wonderful couple in the history of football and he even made Toni promised to let him be their best man in their wedding.

He was grateful to Felix not only for how easy and comfortable he had made him feel to talk about something he thought he would never share with anyone else, but it was also his wise words, which in itself was another surprise by the way, that had helped him made up his mind.

 

_“Toni, as a grown man you need to make a decision and then deal with the consequences of what you have chosen. I know it is easier said than done but it doesn’t change the fact that it needs to be done. Your life is yours and yours alone so you should decide for yourself and no one else. It’s pretty obvious but I guess I better remind you about this, those who care about you want nothing but for you to be happy and it won’t change even if you are dating your teammate or quit playing football tomorrow.”_

Toni didn’t even know what would be the consequences let alone dealing with them but he had at least done half of what Felix said, and he made his decision.

 

Sergio was back to Madrid two days later and Toni was the first person Iker had informed as promised. He rushed to the hospital that night and had not left Sergio’s room since then except when the nurse came in to change his bandages.

He had been watching him sleep for hours, he looked much paler and weaker than he usually was. There were scratches on his perfect face and bandages covering his right shoulder and his tattooed arms. As if the beeping sound of the monitor was not reassuring enough, he gently put a hand on his chest to feel his steady heartbeat and the warmth radiating from his bare chest under the sheet. He slowly moved his hand up to pick up the strand of hair that was awkwardly out of place and softly caressed his cheek, carefully avoiding his wounds. Whenever he started to shudder in his dream, he would hold his hand tightly until his body relaxed and his breathing turned stable. Then he heard he mumbled something barely audible but he would never miss the word that he had heard more than anything in his life.

“Toni..”

It sounded like a confession, a pledge, a wish, an invitation.

He bent down and brushed his lips ever so lightly against Sergio’s, but he pulled away quickly when he began to stir again. He was waking up.

“Sergio, can you hear me?”

Sergio struggled to open his eyes and although he didn’t know where he was and yet to recollect what happened, he was more ready to believe that he was seeing things like a demon, ghost or maybe Satin himself in camouflage who was trying to deceive him and condemn him to hell than the person standing in front of him to be real.

“Toni?”

Toni smiled at him and kissed him on his forehead. “Welcome home.”

“Where am I? Ouch…” He gasped in pain when he tried to get up so Toni carefully supported his shoulders and put a pillow behind his back to help him up to a half-sitting position.

“You are in Madrid, or in Sanitas to be exact. You were back yesterday but you’ve been sleeping until now, the doctor gave you some strong tranquillizer so that you wouldn’t be singing or dancing on the plane.” Toni smiled again and poured a glass of water for him from the night stand beside his bed.

“Toni, I don’t mean to be rude but em…..why are you here? I mean…..where is Iker or Pepe or I mean, the guys?” The exhaustion on his face and the ridiculously over-sized under-eye bags was simply too obvious to be overlooked. “Have you been here all night?”

Toni sat down next to him on his bed and gave him the glass of water, “Iker and Pepe had left several hours ago, Nacho, Jese and several of the lads were here last night to check on you and they may come again anytime.” No more running away, tell him the truths he deserved to know, that was the decision he made. “And yes, I have been here since yesterday because I need to know that you are okay, and I wanted to be here when you wake up.”

Sergio slowly brushed his index finger against the back of his hand as if asking for permission and Toni didn’t move away, so he bravely added another finger and then a third until he gently held his hand. “I thought…you are afraid of me.”

“No, I was never afraid of you, I was afraid of myself and what was becoming of me, I’m sorry Sergio, I have been a coward and I ran away. But when I heard that you were in this accident, I realized the thing that scared me most is losing you forever, because I can’t.”

Maybe it was because the blood was not yet flowing efficiently into his head, or actually maybe there was too much blood being pumped into his head that the world started spinning around him and he could feel his heart thrusting against his rib cage. “Toni, do you really mean what I think you mean? ‘Cause I am not sure I can think probably right now and I don’t want to misunderstand anything.”

“Sergio,” He moved closer to Sergio and his focus drifted to those full lips that he had missed dearly, “What I’m trying to say is,” he leaned in closer and closer until the tips of their noses brushed against one and other. He carefully rested his hands on the bed on either side of his body, trapping him between his arms as he began to kiss and suck on those tempting lips, not caring how wanton he would appear to be. Sergio quickly took over domination as response and he dragged him down to deepen their kiss more passionately than ever.

It was true that once he had admitted it there would be no turning back, and even more so when he didn’t want to turn back at all because this man was everything he wanted.

* * *

Sergio was discharged a week after his hospitalization in Sanitas, the doctors were amazed by how strong the defender was and how well his wounds were healing. He still needed to rest quietly for another month but he would be able to join the team’s preseason tours if things went as planned. Iker had assigned the best person to make sure Sergio would do as the doctors said and wouldn’t do anything in opposition to those.

“The key to tame the beast is to feed him on time and feed him enough.” Iker padded his shoulder cheekily after he helped Sergio getting into his car. “But I’m sure you have no problem in keeping him full and content.” He stretched his hand through the window of the backseat and ruffled the defender’s hair, “And you be good and enjoy your recovery.”

Just like any father who would never stop worrying about their children no matter how old they grew, he gave Toni a long hug before letting him get into the driver’s seat, “Call me if anything happen and I’ll be there as soon as I can." And he stood and watched until the red Audi disappeared from sight.

Sergio’s house was just a few blocks away from his, probably because he and his landlord were best friends and they used to live close to each other when the Prince of Atletico was playing in Madrid years ago. Toni had never been to his house before, he had only seen pictures of it and he imagined it to be decorated in the same style of how its owner dressed himself: extravagantly luxurious with a compilation of everything that doesn’t go well with one and other. He was surprised to see how simple and down-to-earth the design was and everything was in soft colours (instead of gold or red or silver or any colour that hurt his eyes when he looked at it long enough).

Sergio brought him upstairs to his bedroom and gave him a set of spare keys which included those for the house and for the cars as well. “From now on this room, this house and these cars belongs to you too and you can live here for as long as you want.” He wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him close, “I want you to feel comfortable here rather than just doing the job of a nurse so do whatever you like to make yourself home ok? You can re-paint the wall or move your own bed and sofa and coffee table and wardrobe here if you want.” Toni chuckled on his uninjured shoulder, “In that case I should just bring you to my house instead if you don’t mind my brother being around until the season break is over.”

“Well,” he started dropping kisses on Toni’s cheek and the back of his ear as he said, “I wonder if I’m the only who mind about that.” Toni shivered at the touch of his lips but at the same time he felt something pecking at the sensitive skin of his neck, “Sergio, you have to shave your beard, it’s getting way too long and it hurts.” Sergio let go of him and walked towards the mirror, “I was thinking about letting it grow and see how long it could get, no?” Toni rolled his eyes at the defender who was actually styling his beard in front of the mirror. “Iker will be so envious of you when you have more hair on your chin than his head, and no, I don’t want a homeless as my boyfriend.”

And that magical word, “boyfriend”, came out from his mouth for the first time like an announcement of his acknowledgment of their relationship. While to Toni admitting it was one thing but declaring it was quite another so he rubbed his nose sheepishly and tried to change the topic, “I’m going home to pick up some clothes and a few things and you em…take some rest and I’ll be right back.” He sprinted down the stairs towards the door and he didn’t see the grinning idiot standing in the room looking like he had just won the World cup again. And when Toni came back couple of hours later, he was welcomed by the aforesaid grinning idiot but in form of a shaved grinning idiot.

Well, a grinning idiot and his brother to be exact.

 

When Toni came back later that evening with a suitcase, he was surprised to see Rene opening the door instead of Sergio.

“Hey Toni! Nice to see you man, you have no idea how thankful I am to you for taking care of my stupid brother.” Rene gave him a hug and then grabbed his suitcase, “I’ll take this upstairs, why don’t you join Sergio at the table, dinner is ready.” He winked at him and then disappeared before he had any chance to say anything besides smiling.

Sergio was sitting at the dining table with plates of food spread out in front of him and Toni took the seat next to him. Rene was one of the few people who knew about their relationship and he had shown great support to them just like his own brother did. He was a wonderful brother to Sergio and probably a great friend to many but he couldn’t help but feeling a bit nervous about the three of them having dinner together. His uneasiness must have been written on his face because Sergio took his hand and started rubbing it with his thumb, “Don’t worry, he likes you a lot, as a player or as my boyfriend.”

Toni drew his hand back and blushed to the roots of his hair, and Rene came over to join them at the table just in time to see the rouge German. “I don’t want to know what you were doing, thank you very much.”

But very soon Toni had forgotten about all his embarrassment and nervousness because his attention was utterly distracted by the true intention of Rene’s visit. He was here to talk to Sergio about his contract with Real Madrid.

“The club is still waiting for Manchester United to call a price for De Gea so I have made use of this to lure them to place a bid on you in return, like an exchange deal, we all know they have wanted you for a long time. Their initial bid was 35M, presumably a similar price tag of De Gea, and the club has rejected. But it has already given the club enough pressure and they want to renew your contract as soon as possible. I’ve made a request of a five years contract with improved remuneration and the club has not respond to it yet, but instead they quoted your transfer price at 90M, probably trying to scare united off and telling us they want you to stay. My guess is that Perez will agree to a slightly lesser deal than I requested and I suggest you to take it and get the new contract.”

“Rene, you should have discussed with me before you did all these negotiations with the club, I told you I don’t want to renew my contract yet. It’s not about the money and you know that.”

“Sergio, you are a professional footballer at the highest level and playing for the biggest club in the world so it is all about the money and the price tag on your body. You only have two years of contract left and I can’t let you wait for another month not to mention another year to renew you contract!”

“What if Perez agrees to trade me with De Gea huh? You know how much Perez wants David to come to Real and he never really likes me and he knows I hate him.”

“No, he won’t because he needs you to be the captain next season, they need you so that they won’t need to rely on Iker.”

“Exactly! I know what they will do to Iker soon or later, just like what they did to Raul and Guti. I can’t stop them from selling him like a piece of crap, all I can do is to make them believe that there is a chance I may leave this summer so they have to keep Iker for another season even though he may not get to play because the club won’t risk losing us both. And now, Perez knows that I haven’t renewed my contract not because I may leave the club but because I want a better pay!”

“I’m sorry, Sergio, as your brother and as your agent, I can’t let you gamble with your career. I know Iker is very important to you, but you are very important to me too.”

“Rene, I don’t know, I need to think about this and I want to talk to Perez myself. I’ll call him tomorrow and see how that goes. Just, don’t do anything before you heard from me ok?”

 

Toni sat like a statue when the two brothers were having that heated conversation. He wasn’t sure if he was meant to be a part of this conversation, if it wasn’t because Sergio had held his hand tightly under the table he would have excused himself and went to the kitchen to do the dishes or maybe even make some dessert. He listened quietly and made no comments until they started to talk about other things like Sergio’s horses and Rene’s daughter.

He wasn’t worry about Sergio leaving the club, he knew he wanted to stay for as long as he could. But he also knew how this club worked and when it wanted something it would pay any price to get it, he remembered what happened to Xabi Alonso and Angel Di Maria. He didn’t like interfering other people’s personal matters but he wanted to tell Sergio that he agreed with Rene and he needed to renew his contract as soon as possible. He knew he didn’t have the right to decide anything for Sergio, he didn’t know if he was in any position to talk to him about it, and even if he did he wasn’t sure if Sergio would listen to him. But it didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

 

Toni sat down next to Sergio on the bed later that night to clean his wounds with antiseptic and put on new bandages as instructed by the doctor. Most of his wounds were almost completely healed except the one on his shoulder which was also recovering better than expected. Sergio couldn’t hide his smile during the process and Toni began to blush at his gaze, “Can you stop smiling at me like an idiot?”

“I’m just happy. How can you always do everything so perfectly? It doesn’t hurt at all when it is your hand touching me.” He gripped Toni’s hand and put it on his bare chest, “Gracias.”

He drew his hand back together with Sergio’s hand and rested them on his lap. “Sergio, can I say something to you?”

“Of course, you can say anything to me.”

“I wanna say, I think Rene is right, you should renew your contract if Perez gives you an offer. I know you worry about Iker’s future but I think this is what he wants too. You have to believe in Iker, he knows De Gea will be here soon and he is prepared for it. I am not asking you not to help him, I’m only saying he can deal with it in a way he chooses and you should deal with your own problems.”

He pulled his hand back and scratched his head uneasily, “I know, Toni, but I have spent almost my whole career playing with him, no matter where we played and who we played for. Iker is my everything in football and I am just not ready to lose him yet.”

“Sergio, you will not lose him. He is the best goalkeeper in the world and the captain of Real Madrid, he can take care of himself and he doesn't need you to protect him, you have to trust him. I know I can’t compare myself to Iker but if there is a day he is going to leave, you will always have me, well, if I haven’t been dropped or loaned or sold or something. But even if so I will still be with you” He leaned in to kiss Sergio on his lips and gently caressed his face with his thumb. “I promise.”

Sergio knew Toni was right and he knew what he should do, he always knew Iker couldn’t be there with him forever and he had to learn to let go when it was time for him to go. He knew he needed to talk to Perez and put an end to all these dramas but right now he didn’t want to think about his football career, not after hearing a naked confession from the person he wanted more than anything else.

Sergio pulled Toni onto the bed and pressed him down beneath his body, taking his lips hungrily and his tongue conquering every part inside his mouth. His hand slipped inside his shirt to explore the bare skin of his waist and then slowly crawled up from his abdomen to his chest. He ran his lips down along his neck and started licking and dropping wet kisses along his collar bone. The soft moans coming from Toni's mouth were the best thing he had ever heard and Sergio was desperate to make him groan and swear and scream at his touch, he wanted to make him his.

But he dare not to, not yet, because ever since last time when he had almost screwed everything up by his impulsive instinct, he had promised himself never to push Toni into anything until he was absolutely ready for it. He would wait despite every nerve in him was screaming with lust, but he would wait.

“Toni….can I…” He pulled his shirt up to his chest, “I promise I won’t do anything to you, I just want to feel you in my arms.”

Toni nodded and let Sergio tugged his shirt over his head, and he quickly pulled him close again and let their naked body overlapped with each other. He dragged him down to another devouring kiss as he took Sergio’s hand and guided it towards his own crotch to reveal his awakened desire. “And you can do anything you want to me, because I want you too.”


	10. Marcelo

It was not quite the best thing to hear after a fourteen hours flight from Madrid to Chile, far from it, and Marcelo couldn’t help but sighed. He received a voice message from Iker about Sergio’s accident in Cuba with a brief description of his condition. He worried about his friend, of course, but Marcelo was an optimistic person who could turn every fucked up thing into blessings so Sergio being alive with no threat in life or permanent damage was enough to reproduce two hundred positive thoughts. 

He quickly sent a message to Iker, letting him know that he could return to Spain if Sergio needed any help, only to receive an instant response from the captain reassuring that Sergio would be in capable hands. So he picked up his suitcase and got on a taxi to his hotel, which by the way was the same one where the Brazil National team was staying. 

“Hey Jamesito! I miss you so much!” The first thing he did after he got on a taxi was calling the Colombian.

“Marce? Hold on..” James put the phone away and Marcelo heard him talking to someone distantly and that someone sounded awfully familiar. 

“Get off me first…I need to get this call….” James mumbled against something like a pillow, a towel, or a shoulder.  
“Come on James, we have just started…just say you’ll call back.” That suspicious guy begged and he heard James giggled like he was being tickled probably at the waist area where his weak spot was.  
“No, stop it, it's Marcelo, please, I’ll get back to you when I’m done ok?”

Oh, was that someone he supposed to know?

“Fine, but I am not done with you James, you can’t run away from this.” His voice was moving further away from the phone until Marcelo couldn’t hear him anymore.

“Marce, are you still there? I’m so sorry about that, but hey, I miss you too!”  
“It’s okay, if you are busy I can call you later.”  
“No no, it’s fine, that’s….just one of my teammates fooling around, so you have arrived?”  
“On my way to the hotel. How’s you preparation going?”  
“All ready to kick those asses that I failed to kick last time. Are you coming to the game tomorrow?”  
“Of course! But I’ll be supporting my country not you puppy, and I won’t celebrate with you if you score.”  
“No you will, it’s your instinct and you can’t help yourself with it…..”  
“OH!!” Marcelo suddenly screamed at the top of his lung.  
“What???”  
“Oh, oh, nothing, I just stepped on my toe, go on, what were you saying?”

And James continued to elucidate his ambition to break down Brazil’s defence and score two goals to kill the game with vivid description on how exactly he was going to score those two goals.

But Marcelo figured out.

David Luiz.

As soon as Marcelo had checked in at the hotel, he went in search for his national teammates, knowing they should have been back after training. Like he had expected they were all in the hotel function room reserved for team gatherings, except one bushy head. Marcelo picked out Thiago among the crowd and the former captain was overjoyed to see his countryman. And according to Thiago, David left alone after training, claiming he had a date and would return in the evening for the team’s dinner. 

It probably had something to do with the Colombia boy he had grown very fond of since the world cup, Thiago remarked.

The said Colombia boy happened to be Marcelo’s teammate and his latest best friend so it was totally reasonable for him to be curious about their little mysterious meeting, wasn’t it? But Thiago knew nothing more than that so Marcelo could only put it aside for now but he would love to have a word with David when he came back.

Marcelo didn’t join the team dinner, afterall he wasn’t no longer a member of the squad in this tournament. He waited for David to finish dinner and invited him over to his room. He missed David nonetheless, they had been good friends for a long time and they had gone through triumphs and defeats together many times. They were like brothers and hanging out with David had always been the best entertainment during national team call ups. So when David knocked on his door Marcelo hopped to answer and pulled him into a big hug.

“How is your back doing bro? We are so disappointed that you can’t play with us this time.”

“Getting better, probably just in time for pre-season training. So, you’re ready for tomorrow’s game? ‘Cause I heard from someone on the rival team that he will ripe our defence apart and get his revenge on us.”

David raised his eyebrows amusingly, “Is that your lovely teammate at your club you are talking about? It sounds so much like something he would say, he is always so passionate and confident, isn’t he?”

“Yes he is.” Marcelo said proudly, he was always proud of James whenever he heard someone praised him. “Actually, I called him after I arrived and I heard he had company, was that you?”

“Oh yea, I was helping him with the bruise on his thigh. He had a knock in the previous game but he doesn’t want his coach to know about it. He is just as sweet and cute as a puppy isn’t he? Is he always like that in the team? I mean, he just make you want to wrap a blanket around him and put him in a basket so that you can watch him smiling at you all day.” David was smiling at the thought of the Colombian, his arms wrapped around a pillow tightly and brushed his cheek against the linen.

Marcelo couldn’t agree more, it had already became a mutual agreement in the team that James was a puppy and even Iker was being extra gentle with him. His smile was infectious and his hugs were irresistible. Marcelo had seen too often how people being drawn to the Colombian during their first encounter with himself being one of them. But the difference between him and David was, Marcelo was James’ teammate and David was not, Marcelo got to see him everyday and David did not, Marcelo was the first one James hugged when he scored and David was not. And these were very comforting thoughts.

“Trust me, he is way more adorable than you have ever known.” Marcelo smirked deliberately, “especially in the dressing room when we lost an important game. Man, you have no idea.” Therefore his little cry on your shoulders was nothing, Marcelo silently remarked.

“Does Real Madrid need a strong and solid centreback? I am good in the air and I’m experienced, can you ask your club? Please Marce, pleasepleaseplease.” David looked at Marcelo with starry eyes like a kid begging his parents to buy him the biggest Transformer in Toy’R’rus’.

“No, we don’t need another centreback and I won’t ask for you. I am already having a difficult time in keeping Cristiano and Fabio’s hands off him and I don’t need you to make my life harder.”

“Marcelo, you are so selfish, you are keeping the puppy to yourself. James is not yours!” David started to pull Marcelo’s hair and Marcelo bit on his arm. “Of course he is! He is my Jamesito!” The two Brazilians then knocked each other down and began to kick and wrestle and laugh hysterically until they were out of breath and lied on the floor together.

“You are a fucking idiot Marcelo.” David said between his pants. 

“Of all people you are the last one who can say that about me.”

“Exactly, that's’ why you are dumber than the dumbest person among the group of dumb people so you are now the dumbest dumbass ever.”

And if it wasn’t because Thiago came to drag David back to their room to rest for the sake of the game in the next day, they could have continued with the dumbass fight for eternity, like best friends would do.

\----------------------------

His face was so closed that his lips almost brushed against the smaller man’s ear, “You are an amazing player and you have achieved great things and will achieve much more in the future. You have played well but this is football, sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t. Believe me, I understand how it feels.” His strong hands clasped the Brazilian’s head and forced him to look at him in the eyes, “Calm down and don’t take it out on anyone, just focus on the talent God gave you.”

He felt his soul being absorbed into those insistent brown eyes and he couldn’t detach himself from his fervent gaze. His anger had dissolved and his mind was blank. He felt like a piece of him was being taken away while something warm and endearing quickly filled up the void. He nodded reflexively at him and Colombian turned him over and pushed him towards his national team coaches. They dragged him into the tunnel when the referee chased him down with a big red card in his hand. He didn’t turn back as he strode along the corridor towards the dressing room. 

He could hear the cheers from the Colombians’ dressing room and he could see the disappointment on his teammates’ faces, either from the defeat or his childish behaviour. He ignored the inquisitive look on Thiago’s face and quietly went into the shower, he needed a moment alone to think about what kind of shit he had gotten himself into this time. 

Neymar was suspended for four games, which meant he was ruled out from the rest of the tournament that he could practically go home, only that he didn’t. Instead, he spent his free time hanging out with one of his countryman who similarly had nothing to do with the games due to his injury. They went to watch any game that fit into their schedule and sight-seeing while the team trained. 

Their team was going to play their last game against Venezuela at group stage and their chance of proceeding to the next round was largely influenced by the result of the other game between Peru and Colombia. With one defeat and one win and scored only one goal, Colombia was in a desperate need to win. Marcelo decided to pay a short visit to the Colombia team and cheer for his best friend, and Neymar was unexpectedly excited to come along. Maybe Barcelona players could in fact be good friends with Real Madrid players as long as they were off the pitch.

James was talking to Falcao when he saw Marcelo approached and he immediately went over and gave him a big hug. “Marce!!!” Neymar watched as smile blossomed on James’ face and he reached out his hand to ruffle the Colombian’s hair, earning him a shy smile from the boy. They weren’t allowed too much time so Marcelo quickly placed his forehead against James’ and closed his eyes to say a prayer, and they gave each other a kiss on the cheek before James hurried back into the dressing room while Marcelo and Neymar went to their seats at the stand.

But the game didn’t go as well as Marcelo had hoped. Colombia’s attack was dull and they hardly created any chances and even when they did they couldn't grab it. At half time, the game was still 0-0 and James was obviously distressed. Marcelo was messaging on this phone and Neymar peeked at it over his shoulder, “Are you talking to James? I want talk to him too.”

“No, I don’t think he is anywhere near to reading his message. Why would you want to talk to him anyway?” 

“I just wanna cheer him up a bit or maybe make him smile. He didn't look happy when he went back into the dressing room. What can make him smile? Should I send him a video of puppies cuddling and fighting like marshmallow? Come on, you know him so well you must know something.” Rarely, Neymar was smiling shyly.

“Neymar, are you trying to woo James?” Rarely, Marcelo was asking seriously.

“Of course I am, otherwise why do you think I would come to this game with you?”

“For god sake, my friend there has a wife and a daughter! Are you fucking crazy??”

“Well, I am just making an offer and it’s up to him whether he accepts it or not, just like a transfer. No one said that we can’t make a transfer when we have a valid contract. I am not forcing him, I just give him an alternative, and I’m serious.”

He made sense, he made too much sense that Marcelo didn’t know how to hit back and the uncertainties of possibilities were sickening.

“No Neymar, his family is his life and he loves them. I’m not going to let you do this. No, no and no.”

“If he does then fine, I’ll accept it if he doesn’t choose me. I’ll be his friend.”

Not anymore, Marcelo thought, not after he had just told him his intention was more than that. 

“I’m seriously telling you to back off bro, he is off limits. Leave him alone.”

“So, you can be his friend and I can’t. And why would you think that you have the right to ask me to back off? It sounds more like you are keeping him all for yourself.” If there was one thing that Neymar was good at besides football, he was definitely a master in provocation. “James is not yours to claim, Marce.”

“He is my little brother so it’s my job to protect him from filthy people like you.” 

“Whatever you say, it’s not like I need to ask for your permission you know.” Neymar waved him off and started to play with his phone until the second half of the game began. 

Marcelo didn’t really pay any attention to the game in the remaining forty-five minutes, because he caught Neymar staring at James the whole time with doting eyes, and he even licked his lips for fuck sake. So when Neymar left the stand without warning after the game Marcelo hunted him down in the crowd and followed him closely because he knew exactly where he was going to, the Colombia dressing room.

James was never hard to find, he was always the brightest one among the team irrespective of which team. But what’s surprised them both was the person talking to him with his arm around his shoulder, David Luiz.

Dear God, Marcelo thought, was Neymar not enough of shit that he needed to deal with?

“Jaaameeesss!!!” Neymar shouted from the distance and startled both David and Marcelo. He ran towards James and was about to pull him into his arm when Marcelo out-sprinted him and dragged James behind him protectively. “James, these two men are very dangerous and you have to stay away from them.”

He turned to face both David and Neymar with his arms crossed in front of his chest, “Both of you have to keep your hands off my boy, I mean it.”

Then he heard James giggling at his back and he turned around to see those innocent eyes staring at him full of adoration. “Stop laughing! Get into the dressing room and stay close with your teammates!”

James didn’t say anything, he spread his arms and hold Marcelo from the back and kissed him on his cheek. Then he turned around quickly and went into the dressing room blushing from neck to ears.

“Come on you two, we should get out of here especially you David, you have a game to play remember?” Marcelo grabbed each of their arm and dragged them towards the exit, and he didn’t see the smirk his two comrades exchanged behind his back.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

“Toni...look at me” Sergio grasped his face as he prodded inside of him, each thrust getting harder and deeper. He knew Toni was close and he wanted him to look at him when he made he come. Toni opened his eyes and met Sergio’s gaze, struggling to focus amidst the turmoil of pleasure. It only took Sergio a few more strokes to make Toni opened his mouth with a silent scream and he watched his pupils dilated in those misted blue eyes as he fucked him through his orgasm together with his own. 

Sergio pressed their lips together one more time before he pulled himself out and rolled over to Toni’s side. They were both panting hard and Toni was lying absolutely still with his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. He had never felt anything like that in his life, he didn’t even know that kind of pleasure existed in his body, and it was fucking amazing.

Sergio turned to look at him and rested his head on his elbow, “Toni, are you okay?”

Toni was still looking up at the empty space in the ceiling, “I don’t know, I feel like all the bones in my body are gone, I don’t think I can move in a while.” He turned his head to the side and looked at Sergio, “I thought you have an injured shoulder.”

Sergio grinned widely and spread his arm across Toni’s waist, “I do, trust me, that was only half of what I can actually do.” He winked at Toni and the German turned into a blushing mess again for the tenth time of the day, and then the eleventh time came in the next minute when he felt something greasy and sticky on his thigh and his, ok, he didn’t want to think about that part at the moment. 

“I need to shower.” He got up abruptly despite the fatigue in his body and nearly fled into the bathroom. He looked at his naked self in the mirror, his lips were swollen and his hair was a disaster. His thighs were still slightly red from Sergio’s grip and he could almost smell the remains of their pleasure on his body. The person in the mirror was not the one on the pitch with defined control over the ball and made passes with pin-point accuracy. The reflection was purely erotic and a depiction of lust and sex, and surprisingly it didn’t jolt him as much as he thought it would, not at all.

This was his life now, being with someone he had never imagined, having sex in a way highly unusual in his standard and above all else, that someone was his teammate and his captain whom he would be fighting side by side with. There couldn’t be a better way to start a new season, or so as he thought.


	11. Manchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very upset so they hv sex, see my logic?  
> I'm so sorry i did this
> 
> anyway this is one of the two endings i wrote, the sad one.  
> If things turn out the other way, the happy ending will be the first chapter of Part 2 of this series.
> 
> thanks for staying with me till now!

Toni was striding around in the house and looked at the clock every thirty seconds. Sergio and Rene had been gone for almost four hours. He wanted to go with them but Rene insisted for him to stay out of it in case Perez noticed their relationship and used it against Sergio. Every minute felt like an eternity and he went to the kitchen to wash his hands for the twentieth times for the sake of doing something more than just waiting. Then he heard a car drove into the pathway of the house.

He stood in the middle of the living room when Sergio opened the door and Rene came in after him, and Sergio wasn’t looking at Toni, at all. He walked straight into the kitchen and poured a glass of water and finished it in one go. He walked over to Toni and took his hand, silently led him to sit down on the couch with himself sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

“Toni,” he leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees with his hands clasping together, “do you believe in me?”

Toni nodded slowly, not sure if he would regret his answer afterwards. He was dreaded to his bone at what Sergio was going to say and now he wished he could go back to four hours ago when he didn’t have to face this yet. 

“I don’t have a choice, they didn’t give me a choice.” Sergio stretched his hand out to Rene and his brother gave him a set of document. “I know you will understand, read it.” He gave Toni the document, the new contract offered by Real Madrid, without signature.

Toni skimmed through it quickly because he only needed to focus on the numbers in dollars and in years, and his eyes were widened. He did understand. He didn’t look up and asked Sergio, “And United’s offer?”

Sergio took a deep breath but he didn’t say anything, he couldn’t, because it hurt him as much as it would hurt Toni, or even more.

“Madrid has accepted.” It was Rene who announced their death sentence. “I’m sorry that we couldn’t reach an agreement with the club, this is our only choice.”

Toni grasped the paper in his hand so tightly and creased them like receipts from supermarket. Was this how Sergio felt when Mesut left Real for Arsenal? Had Sergio’s heart broken into as many pieces as he was now? Had the pain hurt him in every body cell that even breathing caused him to shiver too? 

“Can I talk to you for a second? Alone?” Toni gave Rene an apologetic look and dragged Sergio upstairs to the bedroom. Before he closed the door, they heard Rene saying something like take their time and he would come back later. 

“You can’t do this Sergio, how can you do this to me.” His cold accusation pierced through the heart of his now former teammate. Sergio tried to grab his arm but Toni shook him off, leaving his wretched hand in the middle of the air. 

“Toni, please, you know that I won’t do this unless I don’t have any other choice.” Sergio wanted to tell him how much it hurt him too to leave the club he loved most, to leave the team he would die for, to leave the teammates who were his family, to leave the country he had spent his whole life in and to leave the person he loved more than anything in the world. He never wanted to leave, never.

“You do Sergio, you can choose to stay!! Have you forgotten everything you have with this club, Everything that you have gone through with your friends here, with Iker, with Marcelo, with Pepe, with Cristiano? Are you going to leave all of them behind and walk away like you don’t care anymore?? Are they not enough of a reason for you to stay? Am I not enough of a reason for you to stay??” Toni couldn’t remember if he had ever screamed so loudly and unreasonably at someone’s face, he was beyond frustrated, beyond desperate, he was heart-broken.

“This club is my life and you know that. I sweated for it, I bled for it and I swear to god I have given my everything in these ten years. It wasn’t me who didn’t think about these, you saw what they offered to me! It is way below my bottom line and it hurts my pride, ok? I’m not just a random footballer in an underdog team, I am the captain of the biggest club in the world and I am a fucking world champion just like you are!”

“So you think you are the only one who has pride? In case you don’t notice I have my pride too, but I have thrown it away when I decided to be with you! I’ve thrown them all away when I let you fuck me and I can throw them away all over again for you and I won’t even think twice.”

He backed Sergio to the edge of the bed and pushed him to sit down on it. He got down on his knee and undone his zipper on his pants. He pulled his pants down forcefully to his ankle and reached for the waistband of his boxer with no hesitation.

“Toni, stop, what are you doing??” Sergio tried to stop his hands from doing whatever they were going to do but Toni pushed it aside.

“I’m showing you how cheap my pride became since you came into my life.”

He pulled his boxer down and took Sergio into his mouth without warning, the whole of it in one slick move. He had never sucked anyone off before and he should be insanely ashamed of it but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t know how to do it but based on his experience as a recipient he sucked and licked the best he could until Sergio became fully hard inside his mouth. 

“Toni, don't, we shouldn’t be doing this now.” Sergio said between his grinded teeth as his self-control fought against the stimulation. And Toni did stop as he was told, only to get up on his feet and walk over to the nightstand. He took something out from the drawer and threw it onto the bed. He came back and stood in front of Sergio, “I don’t care about my pride since you came into my life.” He began to strip himself off in front of Sergio until he was completely naked and he pushed him down to lie on his back. “Toni, wait…”

“Shut up.” Toni snapped before he could finish. He straddled Sergio and grabbed that thing from the bed and poured a ridiculous amount on his own hand, hastily and brutally opening himself up under the gaze of Sergio. He was hardly ready but he didn’t care, he spread his legs a little wider and lined himself up with Sergio.

“Toni, nono, you will hurt yourself, please…….ff….uck!” Sergio tilted his head backward as Toni shoved himself down and swallowed him, all of him. He stayed still for a few seconds with clear discomfort on his face but very quickly he began to move his hips up and down on Sergio. He kept his head down as he picked up the speed and he put his hands on Sergio’s abdomen to support his own weight. He bit his lips to try to hold back any sound coming from his mouth but he couldn’t contain the small moans at every thrust, and he whimpered.

“Toni, are you hurt?.......” He gripped his hips to stop him from moving but Toni pushed his hands away. “Not in my ass if that’s what you concern……” And he rode him even harder as if trying to prove his point. 

Sergio lifted his body up so that he could hold Toni’s face, but the moment his fingers touched his cheek, his hand halted and both of them stopped moving. 

Toni was crying. 

His face was covered with tears and his body was shaking in agony. It hurt too much that his heart couldn’t sustain the pain anymore. No matter how unwilling the decision was it felt like betrayal, a broken promise, an infinity of despair, and there was nothing he could do.

“I can fuck myself on you and cry in front of you like a pathetic whore because I don’t care about my fucking pride like you do.”

Sergio held his hips close to him crotch again, much harder this time and he flipped them over so that Toni was lying beneath him. He cupped his face with both of his hands and started kissing the tears off his face. 

“I’m sorry, Toni, I never wanted to leave you, please believe me. I’m so sorry…” Sergio felt tears began to form in his own eyes and he said softly on Toni’s lips before kissing them deeply, 

“Ich liebe dich.” 

Toni wrapped his arms around his shoulder tightly and buried his face in the curve of his neck. He closed his eyes and bit on his shoulder, his body urged Sergio to finish what he had started, hoping he could take away the pain in his heart at least for this short moment,

“Te queiro Sergio.”

************************************

Sergio wrapped his arm tightly around Toni’s waist from behind and said at the back of his ears, “I promise we are going to be fine, it’s not that far away from Spain, we can make this work.” 

Toni snorted at him, “Like you had with Mesut? ‘Cause I’m not quite sure it had really worked.”

“You are not Mesut, you are Toni, it’s not the same.”

“You are the same, you are still Sergio.”

“Yes, I am still Sergio, and I will always be the Sergio Ramos who loves you more than anything no matter where I am. I promise you once I retired I will follow you wherever you go.”

“You know, the saddest thing is that I actually understand your decision and I would even encourage you to leave if I don’t love you.”

“But you do, right?”

Toni turned around and looked profoundly into Sergio’s eyes, “Madly.” 

And he indulged himself in another devouring kiss.


	12. Capi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A promised alternative ending (not necessarily happy tho) n a second part of this work in progress, so sergio is staying :)

“What do you think they have to talk about at 10 o’clock at night? Sergio is not leaving us right? I mean, he can’t really speak English and he will be like getting sent off once every two games if he plays in the Premier League.” Isco asked Cristiano, who was sitting in the front row of the conference room. 

“I want to say that he won’t, but I don’t know. What I can be sure of is that if he leaves it’s neither about money nor is his own will to leave.” 

The whole team was gathering around Cristiano and Karim with an unspeakable tension in the air. Something must have gone very wrong that the four captains were called upon to a meeting with Perez and Benitez in the president room while the rest of the team was summoned down from their respective residence in Valdebebas to wait in the conference room, on the night before they took off for their pre-season tour. 

“I’ve never heard him saying he wants to leave, he loves it here, he loves us, right? Hey Toni, have you heard anything from Sergio while you were staying with him?” 

Toni was sitting in the row behind Cristiano with Gareth and Luka next to him. Surprised by the sudden attention drawn on him, Toni simply shook his head. He knew that Sergio had met with Perez before pre-season started but nothing had been agreed yet as far as he was told. There shouldn’t be any progress on his contract renewal nor on the negotiation with Manchester United and he trusted that lying was the last thing Sergio would do. 

The group then returned to their separate discussion which Toni couldn’t quite understand, but judging by the look on Cristiano’s face it was definitely something catastrophic enough to make the three times Balon d’or winner noticeably concerned. Seconds and minutes had passed and they had already been waiting in the conference room for over an hour. Dani and Jese could no longer contain their nervousness and started striding across the room, until they heard footsteps outside the room. 

The door slowly opened and Perez and Bentiez entered the room with the four captains following behind, each of them wearing an unreadable expression. Toni tried to seek for eye contact with Sergio but the defender insisted on fixing his gaze at the floor between where they stood and the front row of the seats. Perez took a step forward and looked around in the room to make sure he had everyone’s attention before he spoke up.

“I am here to announce that our captain Iker Casillas has decided to join Porto in the coming season and the club has already reached an agreement with the Portuguese club on his transfer. We will publish the news shortly on our club’s website and all social media and we would appreciate your cooperation in not disclosing any information until then. We are all very grateful for everything Iker has done for us and we shall wish him very best in his new adventure.”

The room was filled with suffocating silence, many of them were looking at their own laps, some of their shoulders were shivering, Marcelo was looking up at the ceiling to fight against the tears that were threatening to fall down like rivers while Dani and Isco didn’t even bother to wipe the tears off their face. Toni heard Luka taking deep breathe next him and he saw Cristiano shaking his head, but only at the corner of his eyes, because they had been fixed on Sergio since the moment he walked into the room. 

\---It hurt so much that I don’t know what to do with myself.

If Toni had been truly honest, for a moment he had felt relieved, that it was not Sergio’s name that came out from Perez’ mouth. It was not like he didn’t care about Iker, nor did he agree with how obvious the club had pushed him out of the club because they thought he was getting old (who would actually believe the bullshit that Iker wanted to leave). It was just, if there could only be one of them staying then he couldn’t help but hope that to be Sergio, a thought that made him extremely guilty when he saw the hollowness on the defender’s face. 

\---And I can’t look at you now, because if I do I will break down and cry in your arms.

Benitez took over Perez’s place and began to explain to the team his plans for the coming tour without the presence of Iker, that Keylor would be in goal despite his yet to be recovered injury and that Cristiano would be named as the fourth captain unless other changes would be made after the tour. Then he rounded things up by reminding them the time they shall meet up in the next morning and stressing the importance of being united as a team when a fundamental member left the club. And as if he and Perez could sense the growing threat against their lives in the enclosed compartment, both of them left rather rashly as soon as they finished what they needed to say, more like fleeing from from a sinking ship in Toni’s opinion.

Toni watched silently as the door closed behind the two men and his two captains immediately wrapped their arms around each other in a tight embrace. He saw Iker said something closed to Sergio’s ear and the defender shook his head vigorously and hold his captain even closer. Then the captain held Sergio’s face with both of his hands and he saw tears were falling down on Iker’s face when he continued to say things to Sergio once last time as his captain. He watched as Iker kissed the defender on the cheek and let go of him, a painful smile climbed onto the goalkeeper’s face before he engaged himself with the farewell hugs of the rest of his teammates. He watched as Sergio stormed out of the room without even looking at Toni once for the the whole night and his heart twitched in pain. 

Toni did not usually get too emotionally involved with his teammates. He always thought that it was part of their job to join a club or to leave one for another and he used to think that it didn’t matter who he played with as long as they accommodated each other well on the pitch. The departure of Iker felt different, not just because he was a legend, not just because he was the club’s soul and his existence in the team was equivalent to the crest on the shirt, but mostly because how much Iker meant to Sergio. Truth be told was that his heart was aching more for Sergio than for the captain. 

His restrained nature kept him from being too emotional in occasion like this, but he nonetheless moved over to where Iker was surrounded and gave him an over-passionate hug in his standard. He couldn’t say that Iker was one of his best friends in Real Madrid, but after what happened to Sergio during their summer break and being the only person on the team who knew about the relationship between him and Sergio, he had a special, though not very close, bond with Iker. The goalkeeper patted him on his back and smiled sadly at him, “Take care of him for me ok?”

Toni nodded at the goalkeeper, not knowing if there was anything he could say in this situation. Iker smiled at him again and threw his gaze towards the door, asking Toni to check out on the defender for him. Toni took a deep breath to suppress an unfamiliar distress building up inside his stomach as he quietly slipped pass the door, and by instinct he took the elevator up to the level of their residency where he could almost felt Sergio’s presence. 

He stood in front of the door to Sergio’s room in the quiet corridor, trying to picture what Sergio might be reacting now and rehearse what to say for each of his prediction. He was never good at comforting people, and he definitely didn’t know how to calm down an upset Sergio Ramos. He summoned all his courage and knocked at the door, which was quickly answered by an awkwardly calm and usual Sergio.

“Hey Toni, come in, I’m just packing.” Sergio took his hand and led him into the room, half expecting to be wrapped within a pair of strong arms by the moment the door was closed. Only that he wasn’t, because Sergio went back to his bed and continued to undo his already folded clothes and folded them again, his eyes had never stayed on Toni for more than one second. 

“I just checked the weather in Melbourne and I didn’t know that it is their winter! It’s like zero degree there so remember to bring your warmest clothes. You know how much you are afraid of the cold.” 

“Sergio?” 

“And I heard from Rafa that the flight from Madrid to Melbourne will be twenty two hours, can you believe it? Twenty fucking two hours! What are we going to do in those twenty two hours while we are all stuck on a plane? I’m so going to be bored to death. Shit, I almost forgot!”

Sergio ran across the room to the desk and grabbed his laptop and a bunch of DVDs from the shelf. 

“I need at least 10 movies to keep my attention occupied otherwise Iker will keep on talking about the same shit over and over again and make me recollect our past trips memories together like old men do.” Sergio laughed to himself as he stuffed his laptop and the DVDs into his suitcase.

“Sergio, Iker is not going.” Toni said cautiously, because Sergio in denial had not been one of his imaginary scenarios.

“Toni, what are you talking about? Of course Iker is going, he always goes wherever we go. He is going to sit next to me on the plane and torture me with his endless lesson on the mistakes I made and those he thinks I will make, and…no, you are wrong Toni, Iker will always be there with us.”

He sat on his bed putting his clothes into the suitcase in a manner which would certainly cause it to pop open the moment he attempted to close it. Toni walked slowly towards Sergio and sat in front of him on the bed, taking his hands into his own and searched for Sergio’s eyes.

“Sergio, Iker is leaving Real Madrid, I know it’s hard to believe but denying it doesn’t make it any less real. I’m sorry.”

Sergio continued to dodge his gaze, “No Toni, they lied, Perez lied, Rafa lied, you lied. Iker is not leaving, he is our captain and he will be with us, always.”

 

“Look at me Sergio, look at me!” Toni held both sides of his face with his hands and forced him to meet his eyes. “You are our captain now, Sergio Ramos. You are.” 

His thumb gently caressed the defender’s cheekbone when he saw the light reflected in those brown eyes flickered.

Sergio had heard of the exits of Hierro, Redondo and many other players in the club, he had seen how Raul and Guti left, and the departure of Angel, Xabi and Carlo were still vivid in his memory. He was prepared to be dismissed in a similar manner when he got old but he had once thought that the club would make an exception for Iker after he had lifted up the La Decima trophy. He should have known that in the realm of monopoly being a legend meant nothing more than the dirt on the shirt and he should never have any expectation to begin with, Iker Casillas or not.

Sergio shut his eyes and turned his head away, “You don’t understand, Iker is…..Iker has been standing behind my back since like forever and I can’t…..How can they do this to him?...He is a constant in my life and I just can’t…..” 

Toni placed his hand on his thigh and unconsciously fondled small circles on the fabrics, “I may not have someone who had fought side by side with me for ten years but I do have someone I can’t afford to lose that the mere thought of him leaving is enough to consume me. I know I can’t take the pain away but I just want you to know that your back is well-watched even if Iker is not here, and you will always have me by your side.”

Sergio stood up from the bed and walked over to the glass door of the balcony with his back facing Toni. His body blocked the reflection on the glass and Toni could not see his face, but he was sure that Sergio didn’t want him to so he decided to leave it that way. He got up on his feet and wrapped his arms tightly around Sergio from behind. He felt that the defender was slightly startled at the contact but he quickly leant into his touch and finally released the tension on his shoulders. Toni gently placed a kiss at the back of the Spaniard’s head and buried his forehead in the curve of his neck, carefully respecting the pride of the older man as he felt warm tears silently landed on his forearm. 

*******

Toni was woken by a knock at his forehead against the edge of something sharp and metallic, he barely opened his heavy eyes and found himself face to face with a laptop lying on top of Sergio’s stomach. The computer had yet to be taken over by screensaver which meant that the defender was still awake at least twenty minutes ago. He extended his arm to the night stand on his side of the bed and reached for his phone, not impressed with the fact that it was almost time for them to meet up for breakfast. He remembered they had stayed up until the first ray of sun reached the horizon and the last thing he saw before he succumbed to sleep was Sergio lying on the bed next to him with his laptop. The night had been too long for both of them.

Reluctantly he crawled out from the bed and lazily messaged his exhausted shoulders. He pressed the button of the electronic curtain and positioned himself in front of the French window to welcome the warm bath of the sunlight. He stretched his arms above his head and let out a big yawn, which had almost choked him to death when he found himself not being greeted by the warm sunlight but the gaze of a pair of hazelnut eyes and a smirk.

Oh shit, holy shit. He forgot that Isco was in the room next to Sergio’s and their rooms shared the same balcony. 

Toni wasn’t a very religious person, he didn’t pray a lot, he didn’t say grace before meals nor after he scored goals, but he was certainly thanking god from his heart that he was at least wearing a pair of sweatpants (with the presumption that half naked was deemed decent however). The magician, on the contrary, didn’t seem to be surprised at all to see Toni in Sergio’s room and he waved at his fellow mid-fielder excitedly.

While Toni was struggling between rudely closing down the curtain or running away as fast as he could back to his own room, he heard Sergio laughed lightly behind him. He turned his crimson head towards the man on the bed and gave him a why-the-fuck-are-you-still-laughing look. 

“Toni, I em….I think I may have forgotten to tell you something.” He got up from his bed and Toni wanted to thank god again that Sergio was also at least wearing something underneath the sheet, but then wasn’t everything obvious enough that the lack of complete nudity made little difference to the situation?

“Is that going to help us out in this? ‘cause if not I think I’m going to dig a hole in your room and bury myself now.’

“Isco knows.”  
“Knows what??”  
“Us.”  
“How??”  
“I told him.”  
“When??”  
“The night when I kissed you for the first time, the night you ran out of the restaurant.”  
“Oh..”  
“I’m sorry Toni, I have totally forgotten about this, and Isco didn’t mention anything afterwards either. But don’t worry, he is very supportive.”  
“O…k….”  
“And I think we should let him in?” Isco was banging at the glass door so loudly that very soon everyone on their floor as well as the one below would hear him, and the next thing they knew would be having all their teammates at their doorsteps. 

Toni slid the glass door open and made way for Isco to enter the room. He walked straight towards one of the couch and sank into it like he had done countless times. In truth, Isco’s presence was unexpectedly comfortable, he didn’t throw weird smile at Toni, or tease him with any kind of joke that he had prepared himself with.

“Sergio, you look like shit. Did you sleep at all?” Sergio ignored him completely and shut the bathroom door, so he turned to Toni and asked instead, “Did he sleep at all?”

“Not more than half an hour I supposed, but honestly, you don't look any better.”

When the younger man walked passed him, Toni could see the dark circles underneath his bloodshot eyes. The night had been a sleepless one for probably all of them in the Valdebebas. Perhaps Isco wasn’t at the balcony by coincident, perhaps he needed someone to count on, and perhaps he was only twenty three years old afterall. Maybe he needed his captain now more than Toni did. 

Toni put on the team shirt he wore last night and slightly tidied up his hair, “I’m going back to my room to have a shower then I’ll go down for breakfast. Can you tell Sergio that I’ll meet him downstairs?”

“Sure, I’ll see you in a bit bro.” 

He stepped out from the room and found himself lucky enough to be alone in the corridor. He walked passed the rooms of Cristiano and Marcelo, of Pepe and Fabio, of Raphael and Karim, and he finally reached the door to his own room. His heart began to grow heavy again when he thought about the broken hearts lied behind those closed doors. 

Nothing would ever be the same again.


End file.
